Meagan Rigney

One of my worst parenting days

I was at the grocery store loading up my bags in my car the other day, and I looked to the side and saw a mama putting her toddler into the car with a good amount of force. I’m not talking child abuse here, just a little bit more aggression than is typically needed. I didn’t judge. I KNEW. I had been there and I felt for her. It immediately brought me back to one of my worst, most frustrating parenting days.

I think my kids were probably two and three and a half. I needed milk and probably diapers and a couple other random things, so we walked into the grocery store and I grabbed a basket. (Rookie move: always grab the cart.) We walked around and loaded our things in and my kids were being crazy. Running around, grabbing stuff, just being normal. But it was almost dinner time, and my patience was low. I’m lugging a gallon of milk and a loaded down basket and trying to corral them close to me. My son was…how do I phrase this?

Oh yes. Being a complete psycho.

So we get to the checkout line and there is a line, and I put my stuff on the belt and he takes off running, down the aisle behind me. I’m standing with my three-year old and thinking, “do I leave her here and run? WHAT? Tell me?” I turn quick, drop the basket, and in the process my wallet drops and all the money and change falls out. I freeze, yell at her to “stay and don’t move and I’ll be back!” and run down the end of the looooooong aisle and grab my son. He thinks it’s funny and runs faster. (Not funny.) I haul him into a side hold and want to die. He’s struggling and crying, I’m so freakin’ angry, and I run back to my daughter. I somehow clean up my wallet off the ground, gripping me to my side in a fireman hold, and pay, and I am seeing red. The cashier (bless her heart), sees I am losing it and bags my things and asks if I need help (no thank you, I say! I just want to get home and kill my kid!) She tells me it will be okay. I don’t agree.

I get to the car with a cart that the cashier had found, with my kids, and without my sanity. I put him into his car seat SO HARD and I am muttering through gritted teeth about how long I will put him into timeout and how ANGRY I am. The whole way home I tell him this, and I am in tears and just done. At home I go to get him out of his car seat with anger, because he needs to KNOW how mad I am and that he made me so angry, and as I am unbuckling him he falls to the side onto the garage floor and hits his head. And I’m mad about it. I’m mad because now he is crying and I can’t punish him and I just want him to know how hard that was for me in that store. He needs to know that. Instead, I have to console him, which I don’t want to do.

I don’t remember what happened next. I probably got him an icepack and unloaded the groceries and made dinner. I probably gave them baths and put them to bed and then after thinking long and hard, felt guilty for it all. Guilty for  the things I said. Guilty for not knowing how to make it better. Guilty for making the decisions that set it all off in the first place. Guilty for not wanting to console him when he fell because I really wanted to punish him more.

I look back at that mama and see how hard it was, daily life, and how each moment often called for more than I was capable of at that time. I wish I could tell her to just take a breath, take each moment, and keep going. And you know what? She did that. She did that day in and day out until her kids got a little older and it got a little easier to go to the grocery store. I no longer have to chase kids in the grocery store or put kids in timeout (much, ha!), but those days are still inside of me. I remember them when I see other’s dealing with the same pressures, and I KNOW. Those days are hard. Babies and toddlers and grocery stores (and restaurants) are so hard.

Life is hard, and so are you. We can do this.

What it was really like to be in Vegas last week

It was in the early hours last Monday morning as we were leaving for the airport when my husband said to me, “there’s been a shooting in Vegas.” 

My first words were, “you mean, like a single shooter type of thing?”

He shook his head as he kept reading on his phone. The details kept coming in as we rode to the airport.

Biggest mass shooting in American history.

50+ people dead.

It happened on the Vegas strip. Where we were heading.

These details, over and over, as we were heading to the same place where it took place, incited a huge fear. Carefully held plans that we were counting on, were in the air. For awhile we wondered if we should change our trip, maybe reroute elsewhere? I had won this trip through Monat and there was to be a huge gathering in a couple of days.

Now it felt wrong to show up and celebrate.

Flying into Vegas not 14 hours after the shooting was surreal. You could see Mandalay Bay from the runway and the uncertainty was palpable in the air. We had been cut off from the news in the air, and not knowing the details was unnerving. We had previous plans to rent a car and drive out to the Grand Canyon, and I am glad we did. The strip was shut down and it felt wrong to be there. That time in the desert, hiking the Canyon and focusing on something that had been there for millions of years, feeling the peace of something so vast and grand? It was everything we needed.

By the time we made it back to Vegas, to our hotel just a couple of blocks from the tragedy, it was late Tuesday night. I was apprehensive driving back. Again, it feels weird going somewhere to have fun in a place that saw so much terror. I had watched the news the night before and got to see some of the stories of the survivors, and those that did not. Truthfully, I don’t watch the news that much. I’m not sure if I am too sensitive, or what, but hearing horrifying things really sticks with me for a long time. Yet I feel I owed it to those that suffered? I watched the various news clips and saw the faces of those lost and it still hurts, and will for a really long time. As it should.

The weird thing is, once back in the city and throughout the next two days of training and dinners and nights out, things are oddly and surrealy…normal. Life goes on, people continue with vacations, and those that work and live there just carry on. Even when you can see the shot out windows where the shooter sat, even when your Uber driver tells you he looks for the faces of those he dropped off at the concert a couple of nights before, life just continues. The showgirls preen in the street. The fountains at the Bellagio play on to happy music. The shows continue as if nothing happened. The only things different were the billboards saying, ” Thank you for being there,” and “#VegasStrong.”

I struggled with what to post, what to say, how happy should I seem? Because I was happy. And sad. And shocked. And struggling to figure out how I felt. There is no protocol for how to feel after a tragedy like that. You know how life has changed so completely for the people involved, and you feel so deeply for them, yet not much is different for you.

I wanted to help, somehow, but I couldn’t think of anything.

In the end we stayed at the Paris hotel, and enjoyed ourselves. Yet that enjoyment was not what we originally thought. It was tinged with sadness and fear and uncertainly. I am okay with that. The people who lost their lives and suffered deserve that. Yet I believe they most likely wouldn’t have wanted the person who took their lives to WIN. Fear can’t win. There will always be terror and tragedy and crazy people, unfortunately. Yet life goes on.

Being in Vegas last week was ultimately not what I thought it would be, but it was these things…surreal, sad, happy, fun, blissful, terrifying, uncertain, joyful. So many mixed emotions and feelings mixed up into one trip that I most likely will never forget, and for all the reasons I never fathomed before that Sunday night.

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*Freebie alert!* My 5 fave podcasts, self help reads, and the things I do every single morning before the sun rises

Happy Friday, friends! Funny thing, I just noticed the other day that over the course of the 7 or so years I have been blogging, that I have written over 800 posts. This is nuts! I’m 100% sure when I started I didn’t see where this blog would take me and how it would change me, but man…I am so glad I hit publish on that first post.

Recently I’ve been working on some ways that I can be of more service to YOU. I am creating some great, FREE, content that I know will be of benefit to you in the future. I think all the time about what keeps you up at night and how I can help YOU out better. I am so freakin’ excited to work on this content and provide this all to you as we head into the Fall and Winter months!

In the meantime, I have created a FREE guide to my current favorite podcasts, books, and my current morning routine. Just click HERE and it will be available for you! I can’t wait to hear what you think!

Also, one question: what would you like to hear more of first….would you like a meal planning guide and a comprehensive list of what I buy/ make each week, or are style ideas more up your alley? 

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What is a Non-Scale Victory?

  I threw out my scale back when we moved this summer and I have never been happier. Actually, I stopped weighing myself somewhere around the New Year. That number held so much power over me for so long, I realize that now. I was fixated on it saying a certain thing. You know, THAT weight that means you have done it. Lost the baby weight, conquered your younger self’s fears, proved something to yourself that you could do it.

Somewhere in between changing my workout routine last year and really pushing myself, and realizing that my self-worth is not rolled up in a number, I figured it out. What I could DO with my body and how far I could push it began to mean much more than what I weighed. More that a arbitrary number, more than a feeling of dismay over a couple of pounds up after a vacation. I. Am. More. Than. That. Slowly I began to see that the actual number is NOT who I am. Who I am (and who your are), is so much more than that.

You’re ten more pounds on a barbel even if you’re tired.

You’re saying yes to careful eating as much as you can, and saying yes to wine and bread and olive oil as well (because life is too short.) 

You’re a dress size up, but feeling stronger daily.

You’re telling yourself,  “I am strong over” and over again, even when you want to quit. 

You’re doing at 37 what I couldn’t fathom at 27. Or 17. 

You’re showing your kids what it means to take care of yourself, inside and out. They are watching.

These are victories that no scale can tell me. I honestly feel that anyone that dedicates a little time each day to their physical and mental health will feel 100% better. Just a little bit helps. Prove to yourself that YOU are worth it, that you can do hard things and that you can accomplish anything you want. Conquering hard things boosts your self-esteem, because you have proven that you can, even when things are hard and inconvenient and NOT doing them sounds easier, you did it anyway. That is a non scale victory.

Tell me, what is a non scale victory YOU have accomplished lately?

 

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My journey into meditation (and why you should try it, too!)

Anyone that is committed to personal development has heard of the benefits of meditation. But if you are like me, that scares you. Mostly because I have tried to “quiet my mind” and tried to “find this inner peace” everyone talks about, but my mind wanders. And then I get angry with it. And then I am frustrated that I can’t do it. #fail

Enter the Calm App. I read about it HERE and I was so intrigued. You mean I can download an app that will tell me HOW to meditate and make it easy? Sign me up! So I download it (obviously), and I have used it three times so far.

Here’s the deal. The point of meditation and midfullness is NOT to shut off your brain, but to redirect it. That was kind of mind blowing to me. I though that my runaway thoughts were indicative of a failure on my part, but that is just not true. It just takes practice and it is a learned thing (like anything else in life.) Go figure.

ANYWAY, there are many, MANY options once you open the app. You can do 7 day programs (I’m currently doing Focus and Self Confidence, you can do ones for Sleep, and you can do your own timed thing.) The options are really endless. I started the other night with a Sleep program. You click on it and it plays some relaxing music, and then it guides you through some breathing stuff. Now, I MAY have been tired, but I went into a trance and woke up a bit later wondering what happened. So that was a win.

Fast forward to the next morning. I came home from Crossfit and decided to lay on the floor of my bedroom on my accuppessure mat and did a Focus session. I started on day 1 and got comfortable. Basically it teaches you that is OKAY for your mind to wander, you just have to bring it back. Over and over. Towards the end I felt a rush of calm wash over me. It was intense and felt so, so good. So good, in fact, that when the session ended I did another one and I felt the SAME THING. It’s kind of addicting.

The rest of the day I felt more relaxed and at peace. I can’t really explain it. I am looking forward to doing this daily and seeing how it affects me each time. So far, though, I love it and cannot recommend it enough. Meditation/Mindfullness for the WIN, you guys.

Tell me…do you meditate? How does it make you feel? 

 

The gamechanger to-do list trick you have to try

Like many of you, I am a HUGE planner and to do list addict. (See this post on how I use my planner(s!) I purchase a new, fancy planner each year, and writing down what I need to do each day is a must. Yet I often write stuff down and don’t get to finish it, which makes me feel like a failure a lot. I see the stuff I didn’t do more than the stuff I did do.

Total downer.

Recently I heard a game changer plan that I have been working on, and it is LIFE CHANGING. (Not dramatic, lol.) Instead of writing down what I have to do in the morning, I wrote down what I did do at night. This switches my routine from an early morning one, to a nightly reminder of what I got done. And I am often surprised! I’ve written before about what a stay at home mom/writer does each day, and it can seem a little mundane and not important when seen from a to do list perspective. Yet when I look back on my day I know I did a ton.

Like the other day, for instance. I woke up at 5:30 and listened to a podcast and did my grateful list and goal work. I got the kids fed and off to school. I went to Crossfit and worked on improving my strength goals. I wrote this blog post. I recorded some content for Insta stories. I posted in my shampoo group online and strategize some posts for the future. I reconnected with my best friend on the phone after a week of phone tag. I took photos for my social media posts. I picked up my car from the dealer. I bought some groceries for dinner. Then I got the kids off the bus and did homework/dinner/bedtime stuff. And finished the day with some meditation.  I have specific goals that I work on each day and try to hit the big ones in all areas. Seen from a to do list viewpoint, it can seem silly or “not enough”, but from an overall goal view? I’m killing it.

I love how this simple switch in routine completely energizes me to work on the things I need to do without feeling like I didn’t get things done.

Tell me, do you run on to-do lists? How you think changing your planner routine could energize your life? 

P.S. I do keep a master list for the week of items I need to do (call doc, set up appointments, things to remember, etc), and then I fit it in when I can. I am amazed at how much less pressure I feel to conquer the LIST each day, because there isn’t one;)

 

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On building self confidence

This past weekend my nine-year old daughter had a soccer game. At one point, she broke away with the ball and dribbled it past countless opponents and almost scored. What stopped her? She was going the wrong way and almost scored in her team’s own goal. We were shouting, “wrong goal”, but she didn’t hear us until right before she got there.

I watched her, on the edge of my seat on the bleachers. I knew. I knew that she would be so upset with herself and she’d possibly fall apart. I saw her face crumple and tears threaten, and it crushed me. Her coach ran out and pepped talked her, as did the ref and another one of her teammates. I yelled out from the stands countless times, “it’s okay, just keep going!” And she did. With tears on her cheeks and clenched fists, she stayed in. I knew she wanted to run off the field and cry. I could read her body language. I saw that her face was all scrunched up and she was fighting it all back. It broke my heart, but I was also so very proud of her. She fought through the embarrassment and didn’t give up. That takes guts! Especially when you are nine and it is easy to be embarrassed and feel like the world is judging you.

That morning I had listened to a podcast on self confidence. (I SWEAR stuff comes to us when we need it most…) I ended up taking some notes (because note taking and highlighting favorite things is the way to my heart), and one thing I wrote was this.

“Self confidence is about believing in your ability to learn, take action, fail or not fail, and to learn. Self confidence is knowing that there is nothing that can happen that you can’t handle. Self confidence is knowing that you can fail and figure stuff out.”

I know how important to me that both of my kids have a healthy amount of self-confidence. But how? How do we instill this? I can tell them they are wonderful a million times over, but they must have that inside them. Yet the game this past weekend taught my daughter more than I could ever say to her. It taught her that she can handle embarrassment and power through. That she can handle failure, and keep going. That she can keep going no matter what the odds are, and she will be better for it. 

The more my children fail and keep trying, they will learn something about themselves. To have a growth mindset, where mistakes and failures are seen as necessary to life. The more they know this deep inside, the more confident that will be in their own self-worth.

To always pick themselves back up again, dust themselves off with tears in their eyes and fists clenched, and get back into the game…this what I wish for them.

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The most worn item in my closet

Slip; Jeans; Shoes

I’ve spoken about my love of this lace slip from Free People before, but I had to add to it! I’ve owned this white version above and another in black for about 2+ years now, and they are just as good as they were when I bought them. They appear delicate and like they won’t hold up well (especially when you see the price and wonder what in the world makes it cost so much, lol), but they are really sturdy.

Note: My black one does have a tiny rip in the side where the lace seperated from the fabric, but that just means I washed it and accidentally dried it a few too many times. I can’t tell you how many times I have worn this one item. I am not easy on my clothes and wear these to death. They are worth every penny, in my opinion.

I wear these slips layered under sweaters in the Winter, under a cardigan in the Fall, knotted over cutoffs in the Summer, and over skinny jeans just about any other time. They are a bit sheer, but I just throw it on over a pretty bralette (I bought a 2 pack from Costco a month or so ago!), and it is fine. I am okay with a little peekaboo skin showing, but if you are not you might like it over a tank. They are equally good dressed up or down.

It can hurt sometimes to invest some cash into a piece of clothing, but the cost per wear on these for me make it worth it. I can’t think of anything else I have worn as much.

The mantras I say to myself daily

I‘ve been REALLY into positive self talk lately, mostly because I think I could use it. I’ve always thought I had pretty good self-esteem and that I felt good about myself, but then I’d say things to myself during the day that didn’t match that. Things like:

“I look old today. Where did those wrinkles come from?”

“Why is my hair so gray? I look older.”

“The back of my legs have so much cellulite. I shouldn’t wear these shorts.”

“My hair is so thin. I wish  I had (insert name here)’s hair.”

“I am so weak. Why do I let people walk all over me?”

“I can’t do this.”

“I am a bad wife/mother/friend/etc”

I’ve noticed lately that find myself being self-deprecating a lot. It’s a bad habit of mine. No one likes to brag, but most everyone likes to throw themselves under the bus. I’d never say this stuff to my friends, but I say it to myself a lot. Which is not okay! It’s probably a knee jerk reaction knowing that if I say something bad about myself, I’ll beat someone else to it. Again, it is a bad habit I just don’t think about. It’s ingrained.

HOWEVER,  I am switching things up. Instead of focusing on the stuff I don’t like about myself, or picking myself apart, or saying I can’t do something before I try it, I literally stop it in its tracks. Here are some examples:

When I wake up and look in the mirror…”I look good today. I am healthy. I am happy and lucky to have this day.”

When I am nervous before a gym class…”I am strong, I can do anything I put my mind to.”

When I am at the gym and pushing myself and want to stop…”I am strong, I am an athlete, I can do this.”

When I am feeling guilty over mom life…”I am a good mom. I love my children and they know this. I am doing my best.”

When I lay in bed and know that I have to wake up really early in order to have my morning alone time…”I am lucky to have this time to myself. I am happy to wake up no matter how little sleep I get.”

Do you see how you can change things for yourself with this little shift in self talk?

It all can sound and feel a little hokey at first. I get it! I think that switching from a place of negativity to a place of positivity makes a HUGE difference in life. You believe what you think. I use “I am” statements to hype myself up. Because I AM a lot of good things, and if I say it enough it will be true. All of it. I won’t belittle myself or say things that I wouldn’t say to a dear friend.

It starts with US. If we don’t speak well about ourselves and really, TRULY believe it, then who will?

Tell me, what can you say positive about yourself by starting with “I am….?”

 

 

 

 

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Finding your “true North”style

Target skirt; Sam Edelman sandals; Bag

My daily uniform lately has been really, really simple. Because I live in the South and summer is still going strong, I wear either a pair of cut-off shorts and a tee, a denim skirt and a top (typically a cami), or a slim fitting pant and a knotted tee (for cooler days, lol.)

That’s about it.

I’ve been steadily working on paring down my closet to ONLY the things I truly love. I’ve donating/selling items for the past year or so and I have been left with very little. Which is scary sometimes? The world tells you more is better, buy that isn’t true for me. I look at my closet and I see very little in there, but I  really, really like what I have. I found that having more was often stressful, because I’d look at it all and know that I should be wearing it, but I was still reaching for the same couple of things. I’d worry about the money spent on the things I wasn’t wearing, and then I’d beat myself up over the so-called “bad” decisions I had made.

I’ve been working lately on having the best pieces I can find for what I wear daily. I have a pair of denim cutoffs that are PERFECTION in my eyes, and I wear them to death. I only need this one pair and I am in love with them. I’d rather own just these pair of shorts rather than owning 12 pairs that are just “meh.” I recently found a tee shirt I love that looks great with all the bottoms I like to wear. I can half tuck it, knot it, tuck it into a high-waisted bottom, or lounge in it. I have it in a pretty rose color and the camo print and I’m obsessed. Honestly? I’d rather own these two shirts than a million others.

Fringe boots; Choker top; Backpack

The key point? What are the uniform(s) you wear daily that you can duplicate? What makes you feel amazing when you put in on? I live a very casual life, so I can get away with a tee and shorts daily. When I was working outside the home I loved a nice pair of dress pants and a button down shirt. I felt polished and professional in that and I had a bunch of variations of that silhouette.

It’s interesting when you’ve had a style blog for as long as I have, you really get to investigate what clothes mean to you. I’ll never again be that person that has a new look each day like I used to. I’ll wear and rewear stuff to death, and be pretty simple for the most part, and that is okay. You won’t find groundbreaking outfits here, and I am okay with that. But I hope you’ll find a way for YOU to become who you need to be, whether it be with your style, your health, or your life.

It’s okay to be basic and simple. It’s okay not to be trendy. It’s okay to wear less and rewear the same things over and over again because you like them. It’s okay to not shop the big sales and be swept up in the fervor of it all. It’s okay to be comfortable in your own skin. I promise.

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Popular Blog Posts

One of my worst parenting days
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