Stylemint tee; Lauren Conrad for Kohl’s skirt; Shoemint shoes (on sale!); Curious Creatures necklace.
Since my babies are all grown up and all (three and four, note the sarcasm!) it is fun experiencing the joy of new babies through close friends. I always love when a friend becomes a mom because they become a part of the club, so to speak. I think what shocked me the most about becoming a mother was the stuff people don’t tell you.
They don’t tell you that you might hate it at first. This baby arrives and steals your heart and requires more work than you ever thought capable. It also robs you of the life you had, and you never know how changed it will be until you experience it. You lose yourself for a bit, too, because there simply isn’t time. And you won’t even realize how different you are until much later. When I look at myself before I had my children I don’t know who that girl is. She didn’t know who she would become or how much she would have to learn. She thought that loving children and having babysitting experience would be enough. It wasn’t.
In reality it takes many, many, many sleepless nights pondering every aspect of your child’s life and never actually finding all the answers. Feeling like a failure and going to bed with tears in your eyes afraid you will mess them up for life.
I remember putting up the false front after my daughter was born. I love it! Everything is great! No, I don’t need any help! In reality it was isolating and boring and frustrating at times. It took months to feel like I had control of things (at least six) and feel like I was bonding. I look back and know that I didn’t fall instantly in love at birth, it was a growing process that took awhile to develop. Am I saying I didn’t love her? No. I’m saying that it was all very new and that love grew as she did, and as she responded to me. Reaching up and touching my face while eating, smiling at me in the morning, saying, “mama.” All these moments worked together and built up until now I look at her and my heart almost bursts with love. I adore my children, but it took a lot of time to build up that love. Day by day, hour by hour. I didn’t love motherhood at first like I thought I should, but becoming a mother is the best thing I have ever done. When I die I will be happy that I had them, for that it all I ever needed to be happy.