This is a hard question, and one I struggled with for a long time. I always knew I wanted kids, at least two. I knew I wanted my children to have a sibling so they would always have a friend in life no matter where we moved or what happened. I mean, who do you complain about your parents to if you don’t have a sibling? When I had my daughter I was relieved, because I really, really wanted a girl. I technically wanted two girls and when I found out Brady was a boy I was disappointed for a day. I had felt in my soul that he was a girl and when he wasn’t it took a minute to get adjusted. Now? I am so relieved I have him! My daughter is amazing, but did you know how young the girl attitude starts? The eye rolling? The slamming of the doors (which happened once before we stopped that little act. I don’t think so!) I couldn’t be more pleased to have one of each, it makes my heart happy and I love experiencing both genders. I love shopping with my girly girl and reading construction books with my boy. They are both so typically male and female, I often wonder if it is just ingrained in their brains or if it is life that makes them love what they do?
I digress.
My pregnancy with my son was rough. I was pregnant in the summer in Florida, had a 15 month old daughter and was on partial bed rest. I was uncomfortable and moody and over it quickly. I vowed over and over again that I was done. This was it! Never again! Yet when my son was born and he was so easygoing and enjoyable I instantly wanted one more. It was a theme in my head. Don’t let this be my last one! I begged and begged and begged my husband, who was really happy with our two. He is always the more practical one and I am the one that says, “Let’s try it and wing it and see what happens!” kind of girl. For two years I did a lot of soul searching and eventually came to the conclusion that I had to make a decision that worked for our family right now. I was always afraid that if I didn’t have a third then I would regret it someday and I didn’t want that. I was in love with the idea of having a larger family, but wasn’t sure if I loved the actual logistics of it.
I had to be practical. Which is hard, right? Sometimes you want to throw caution to the wind and say, “let’s figure it out!” The reality is, children are a lot of work, cost a lot of money and need a lot of mental brainpower. I find that having babies is the easy part. Besides the sleeplessness and small added expenses, they really don’t require that much mentally. Once you have one, adding on isn’t that bad. If I’m going to change one diaper I may as well change two, right? Babies are easy for me. Toddlers on the other hand? My five year old? Now that requires some energy.
My decision to stop having children after two came down to several factors. I wanted to do a really good job raising them. I wanted to devote a lot of time to them individually and raise amazing children. Could I have done well with three (or four?) Maybe. I think my sanity is best saved with the two children I have, because they take a lot of energy and constant, constant, constant reminding, teaching, leading and work. Constant. I am happy to do it, don’t get me wrong, I just find that over the next 18 years or so I have a lot of things I want to teach my children and to be able to to the job I want to do (successfully) it is best I stick with two.
Money was also a factor. Kids cost money! Not just in the obvious ways, like food and clothes and shelter, but in a million other ways. Gymnastics, schooling, teacher gifts, holidays, doctors, dentists, hair cuts, etc. I don’t think children need a lot, but I like to be able to buy them new clothes for school, bring them to a great preschool, enroll them in sports, sign them up for the summer camps they want, go out to eat on the weekends, go to Disney or fun vacations. I want to do fun things and enjoy them and not worry about money or stretching the budget. We don’t worry that much about money (thank goodness!) and we get to do really fun things with the children we have. I love that and love being able to splurge and treat them to things that we might not be able to do if we had more children.
All in all I am happy with my number. It took time. It wasn’t until about a year ago that I became content with the decision to stop at two. My kids mean everything to me, and when you see that (and hold a newborn baby) you see how amazing they are. It is tough when you find that having the children is the easy part, the hard part comes after and it gets more difficult in some areas and easier in others. I love the ages Molly and Brady are now, it is a time I want to bottle up and save forever. I enjoyed when they were babies, but now? Now we can be a family of four and do so many great things together. I can’t imaging living any other way.
Now onto another life changing question: should I keep these striped pants or return them? My original Zara favorites are sold out in my size, so I bought these instead. Opinions, please!
Also, what are your thoughts on how how many children you want? None? One, two, five? Tell me!
