I dropped this little one at Kindergarten yesterday. She goes all day, every day and I feel like I’ve given her up. You see, she’s been mine for so long. She’s been my side kick since the day she was born, molded and shaped and taught by me. She’s had preschool and a couple hours in school per day, but this year marks the year that she goes to elementary school. We went to Open House last week and what struck me the most was how it smelled and looked and felt just like the school I went to. I remember the details and feelings and can’t fathom that my little girl is starting the same adventure. She’s mine. Yet I’m giving her up to another person who will spend more time with her than me, and this hurts. These five years have flown by and this little girl is now out on her own to learn the hard lessons that school brings sometimes. I’m terrified that she will be hurt and I can’t be there to help her. I’m scared she will be targeted by bullies, or left out or afraid. She’s my baby, the most special person on earth and I hope everyone she comes in contact with sees that. They won’t of course. She will learn to navigate the hallways and find a seat in the cafeteria and find a partner in gym class. She will learn things I won’t be aware of and that hurts.
I picked her up the first afternoon in the car rider line and she was standing amongst so many bigger kids, this little girl in skinny jeans and a back pack that’s too big and her big blue eyes that still remind me of her baby face. Tears came suddenly and I held them back, tears because she looked so small and so much mine that I couldn’t imagine how this little girl was a student at this school.
This won’t be the first time I worry about her, or the first time I wonder at how big she’s gotten or wonder where has the time gone, but it is the first time I bring her to her first day of Kindergarten and introduce her to school and her reality for the next 13years. I know I’ll look back and laugh at myself, just like I do now when I look at two year old pictures and think how I once thought she was all grown up. It’s just the first day of a new normal and sometimes these days are hard for a girl.