I’m the type of person who is constantly looking forward to the next big thing. The next season, paycheck, event, weekend, meal..literally everything. Every moment is filled with the thought of what is coming up and how I can’t wait to get there. The weeks are speeding by and all of a sudden I have a child in Kindergarten and it’s just weird thinking that they are growing up and I have been just wishing it away. I’m not enjoying the little moments because my mind is on fast forward constantly and this makes me wistful. I was sitting with Brady at the table the other day reading a book while he played with play dough. I ended up putting the book aside and rolling out little snakes for him and making snake babies for twenty minutes and the whole time I was staring at all these little parts of him. His little chin and the dimples in his hands and the parts of him that are so precious to me and seem to be changing every day. My chubby toddlers have turned into lanky and tall kids and I didn’t see it happening. They change a little bit at a time, so minutely that it escapes me until I look at a picture and see it. Really see it.
I’m trying to enjoy the little moments more, not racing from event to event, always thinking of what is next and just taking a second to look around at what I have right now. I will never have a four and a five year old again and someday, when my minutes are not consumed with the care of them I know I will miss it. You go from living on your own to having these little people to raise to being on your own again and nobody teaches you how to readjust. How children invade every part of your soul and make it all better. And I’m sitting here trying to make it go faster, always wishing for more when I already have more, you know?
I’m working on it. Slowing down my internal clock and enjoying the moment and really looking at these two people I’ve helped create who are, for now, completely mine.