I heard something the other day that really made me stop and think.
If you won’t ask for help because you’re afraid that people will judge you, then you are judging those that ask you for help.
If this statement didn’t just stop me in my tracks! See, I am guilty of rarely asking for help. I want to prove that I can do it, darn it! From pulling eight foot Christmas trees off the roof of my car and loading it into the house to hauling furniture I have no business moving alone or taking care of tasks that are near impossible without help. There is something in me that doesn’t like to ask for help or admit that something is too hard. I’d rather die trying, thank you very much, which sounds ridiculous when I type it out. The quote above grabbed me right away because it says what I have internally been feeling, yet have never admitted. IF I ask for help it would be like admitting I can’t do something, and who wants to feel like something isn’t attainable? A stubborn person, that’s who. Who wants to struggle through something just to have the honor of saying, I did it all myself? I’ve grown up surrounded by strong women who can do so much and to admit that I need help, that I can’t do something alone, that’s impossible. We are women, strong women, and admitting we can’t do everything is not always an option. I teach my daughter that she can do anything she puts her mind to, but is that true? She can work very hard and want something with all her heart, but sometimes things aren’t going to happen without help. Sometimes the stronger, mightier thing to do is to admit you can’t do something.
It also struck me that if I feel that way about myself asking for help then I must feel that way when others do. I’m not sure this is intentional and I never mind helping others, but am I judging those that ask for help when I hold myself up to different standards? I love reading things or watching something that make me think and this statement has been rolling around in my head for awhile now, sort of hanging around and popping up in quite moments. See, I want to be more vulnerable and open. I want to sit and say, “this is too much for me, I need help” and not see it as a form of weakness. I am not invincible and struggling alone is not the best way for me. None of us can handle all of what life throws at us without receiving some kind of support, either emotionally or physically. I’ve struggled through many moments in life alone just to get the distinguished(?) title of, “She did it all by herself,” and for what? What is the stigma of opening ourselves to help and support? Why is it so hard to be vulnerable and admit defeat in something?
I think the strongest thing a person can do is show that they are vulnerable and real. No one can do everything perfectly, we all make mistakes and have to admit that not everything can be accomplished alone. I’ve struggled in the past admitting defeat and I’ve put up a wall of defense. If you are surrounded by those that see vulnerability as a weakness, how can you let it show? I think that, for me, I’ve been lucky enough to be married to a great guy that lets me be strong where I want to be and then let him lead in other areas. We complement each other and it works. I like that I can be in charge of so many areas in life, and then with him I can be me. There are a few people in life that do this for me as well and I am forever grateful. Being surrounded by those that want the best for me, and I for them, is the key. I can ask for help and not be judged, and freely give help. Without judgement.