Tell me, what has been the best marriage/relationship advice you’ve ever received?
You know what I like? I like to read about marriages like mine. Not the perfectly passionate, happily ever after nonsense that the movie biz sells you, but real portrayals about real marriages. The kind where sometimes you hate each other, and sometimes you sit and wonder,”did we even kiss today”, and sometimes you spend hours battling kids and dirty dishes and you wonder if you ever in a million years thought it would be like this when you met. Should I also mention that I despise cliches? All that canned advice nonsense that folks try to tell you in the beginning about making a marriage work? It’s all rubbish. Nothing works for everyone, and staying up and fighting all night because, “DEAR GOD, we can’t go to sleep ANGRY!” is crazy. I know, I’ve tried;)
This October my husband and I will have been married 10 years, and dating about 14. What I thought I knew about him on our wedding days is not what I know now. What I thought relationships and happiness was about is definitely not the same. It’s different, and better. There is a depth that wasn’t there until, say, year five or so? It takes time, and trial and error, and arguments, and making up, and living the daily ins and outs of negotiating WHO exactly puts new toilet paper on the roll and WHO gets to change the baby’s dirty diaper this time.
All I know is this, we were laying in bed the other night laughing about how you couldn’t PAY either one of us to go back to the earlier days when we were figuring it all out. Did we love each other then and have an amazing time living in cool places? YES. Yet we didn’t know each other like we do now, and in another ten years I hope I say the same thing. What is important to me is this: every year gets BETTER. I lie next to him in bed and I’m thrilled to be here and be married to HIM. He may drive me nuts sometimes, but we have the same goals, the same outlook on life, the same shared love for our children, AND we make each other laugh. That’s what matters to me.
A couple of marriage posts I’ve REALLY enjoyed lately:
Sugar and Dots wrote a great post on marriage a couple of weeks ago that really resonated with me.
Momastery wrote a post about the messy and beautiful nature of marriage.
The Life of Bon has an amazing post about the reality of the first year of marriage and it really hit home for me.
Oh, and I wrote a post about how to stay happily married last summer. You can find that HERE.