So far this Summer has been equal parts everything it should be, coupled with many moments of pure frustration. Which sounds weird, because honestly, we have done so much, and been so busy, and it’s barely July. Part of it comes from my husband having been away and doing the kids and life on my own, and the other part is the adjustment of having my kids home 24/7 with no time for myself.
It’s interesting, that for years I did just this, the kids and I together all the time with no school or anything to break it up, plus we had longer deployments. I’m blessed now that they are older and they can do so much on their own. I can say, “go get your pajamas on and brush your teeth,” or “Get in the car and buckle up!” It’s the little freedom’s that make a big difference as children grow. You trade more hands on tasks (diapers! sleep training! potty training! buckling in car seats endlessly!), for other tasks that can be just as equally exhausting. We go, from the time they wake up in the morning, till I put them to bed, and I’m tired. This is the first Summer where there are no naps (I mean, I DID make it till my youngest was four and a half for it to end, so there’s that!), and I’m feeling it. I fall into my bed at night, and despite my craving for me time, with no other thoughts in my head or requests by the second, I fall asleep instantly.
Sometimes as a mom you don’t want to be caught complaining. I have two, healthy children, I can stay home with them and devote my time solely to them, they are smart and fun and everything I wished they would be and more. Except, it IS hard. I can go days not speaking to anyone over the age of six. Sometimes they bicker so much I want to scream at the top of my lungs for them to stop. Or they spill their drinks AGAIN, hit their sister AGAIN, get up out of bed AGAIN, and I want to crawl in a hole and hide. This is my reality. Lots of deep breaths and closing my eyes, waiting for that last bit of patience to appear. Hiding in my bathroom with the shower running, looking through Instagram, or turning up the music in the car so I can’t hear their arguing.
Sometimes I take it minute by minute, and others days we have glorious hours where life is exactly as it should be, and often these come just in the nick of time. Just when I’m about to lose it, contemplate running away, or head to bed at 4pm, I remember those moments. I need them to show just what I am working towards, because sometimes I can’t tell. It’s like I’m in a dark box and I can’t see the light.
Until suddenly, it’s lifted off, and I’m blessed again.
P.S. The What She Wears monthly link up is live again, and the theme is Red, White, and Blue! Come link up your looks and you could be featured next week as a fave! Please make sure you are following one of the hosts (me, Rebecca, Brandi, Jalynn, Dawnelle), and go visit the other links as well. Lets make friends;)