I heard this analogy a couple of weeks ago about how men and women mind’s work, and for some reason it really made total sense to me! I’ve repeated it off and on to a few friends and I think it is something that has resonated with all of us, especially those of us in long term relationships. I’m always struck with how different I think about things versus my husband. Neither way is right or wrong, but if you go into your day shaking your head over why he just won’t get it (I do this often!), then this may help you.
This is the real difference in the brains of men and women (and is most likely a HUGE generalization, but whatever;):
A man’s head is full of boxes. Each box has a different category (work, home, sports, family, golfing, etc.) A man is capable of dealing with one box at a time. He opens up this box, does whatever he needs to do within it, and then closes it before moving on to another. The boxes never, EVER mix. He is task oriented and can do tasks without thinking of other things that need to be done. This may be why I’ve observed my husband can cook in the kitchen and completely ignore the children fighting in the next room (this would drive me NUTS!), or that he can shut his brain off at night and go to sleep immediately. He is tired, so his brain shuts off and he sleeps. (I am wildly jealous of this, btw.)
A woman’s brain is like one big tangled heap of fishing line. Everything is connected. All of life is observed at once and many parts of it blend into one another. We can cook a dinner while breastfeeding a baby and entertaining a toddler. We can have a zillion different things going on and be juggling everything and manage to do (almost) all of it well (er, hopefully?) Maybe not awesomely well, or to the best of our ability, but it can be done. I know that I can be working on my blog, then switch off to researching T-ball registrations, creating a grocery list, thinking ahead to dinner and homework and bedtime, as well as what is coming tomorrow and maybe even a year from now. Women’s brains do not shut off, ever. They always race to what is next, who needs us, and what we need to do. I worry constantly about things that have yet to come, like the teenage years and keeping my kids off of Tinder, and creating a great rapport with them so they trust and confide in me, as well as minute things like remembering to put the library books in their backpacks on the correct day and whether or not they ate enough vegetables.
I’m not bashing men at all in this analogy, I happen to love mine and think he is one amazing husband and father. I’ve just learned that our brains are very, VERY different from each other. I’ve learned I have to tell him exactly what I want and need from him. Instead of complaining that he isn’t giving me what I need and just magically knowing how to help, I tell him. And this works! Who knew? I’ve learned that just because he can fall asleep faster, or work without worrying about the kids, or shut his brain down and focus on one thing at a time, that this is just how he is wired. And that is OKAY. We can all learn from each other, and once you unlock the secret to their way of thinking I think it helps. And man! Ten years of marriage in, two kids, and over fifteen years together I still learn something about him everyday. That’s what makes it all pretty magical, right?
Tell me, does this analogy make sense to you? (Or am I crazy? You can tell me…;)