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Meagan Rigney

My five minute face (and the go-to products I cannot live without!)

February 5, 2015      Leave a Comment

Okay, so I’m lying. My makeup generally does not take five minutes, but since I’ve never timed it I thought I would play it safe. I would say I tend to get about three minutes of time to “put my face on,” and I have mastered the art of speed demon makeup application. I think the key is to find products that you love, and to pick the features you want to enhance, as well as what your priority is. Mine are as follows:
Clear skin, defined eyebrows, brown or black eyeliner, and enhanced eyelashes. 
I always do these things if I am in a rush, but then if I have more time I add in blush and bright lips. I’m also someone that tends to wear makeup at home as well, but often just eyeliner and mascara if i’m not leaving the house. I feel better with it on and more like myself, you know? 
I’ve gone through a lot of trial and error when it comes to what products are worth the splurge and what aren’t. The consensus? I find that splurging on my makeup seems to make sense. It applies better, lasts longer, and the colors and shades offered are more varied. Let’s get started on my five minutes (or less) face, shall we?

1) My first step (after moisturizing), is to even my skin out. I have two products that I switch between depending on the coverage I’m looking for. The first is Josie Maran’s Tinted Moisturizer with SPF. It applies like a BB cream and auto corrects to your skin tone. I like this on home days or days when putting on foundation seems like too much. It gives a very light coverage, but does even out my skin.
On the days when I want complete coverage I use Bare Minerals Serum Foundation. It buffs on with a brush and makes every flaw disappear. You only use a couple of drops and I find it makes my skin look like mine, but better. I also like that it doesn’t have a lot of yucky chemicals in it, and that it lasts forever. I have had the same bottle for about 6 months now and it is still going strong. 
2) My eyebrows are the next step, and are something that I just started doing not that long ago. I found that in photos my eyebrows came across as sort of see through and thin, and that the ends of them tend to disappear. I use an It! Cosmetics (love this line!) eyebrow pencil and use short strokes to define them more and fill in the gaps. I don’t feel finished if I don’t do my brows now, and I am obsessed with the eyebrow pencil I use.
3) Eyeliner is a must for me, no matter if I am going to be out and about or home for the day. I feel better with it on and have always lined the inner rims of my lower lids since forever. Most days I either use a dark brown or a black, but sometimes I go crazy and throw in a bright navy or dark purple. I find that Urban Decay has great color options, but lately I’ve found that Tarte Smolderize liners are the best for smudging and literally last all day. I have a couple of pencils in both of these brands and find they last a really long time. They are worth the investment!
4) When it comes to mascara I don’t have a huge loyalty to any one brand. I do like to splurge on the nice ones at Ulta, though. I am currently using the Benefit They’re Real mascara, and plan on purchasing the It! cosmetics Hello Lashes kind next. I always buy the blackest black I can find and out two coats on my upper and lower lashes.
At this point I would call it a day and be happy with this basic face, but if I have more time I will smudge on my Josie Maran argan oil cream blush (which comes as a bonus with my Argan oil I swear by), and my It! Cosmetics lip stain/gloss in Je Ne Sais Quo (this is the BEST.) Both are pretty pink colors and can be applied in two seconds without a mirror. (Though we all know I do love my lipstick, too! My faves are a hot pink, a tomato red, or a deeper pink color.)
Tell me, are you a five minute makeup applier, or does it take more time? What are your go to products? 


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Oh, hey there!

Hi, friend! My name is Meagan and I like to overshare on Insta-stories, LOVE finding the best stuff for everyday life, and I truly believe that life is more fun when you feel good about yourself, both inside and out.

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meaganrigney

Do you have a home that makes you smile? Maybe it’s the one you live in now, or the one you grew up in? Perhaps it’s the home you brought your babies home to, or the one you remember your mom in. 
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I love painting pictures of places that hold memories, and creating a lasting memory for people of a special place has been amazing. 💫 This particular home was the childhood home of a friend, that unfortunately burned down last year. Through a series of Google photos and a few emails to get the details down, we got to recreate this for her and her mom. It brings me so much joy to do this! I've gotten to do this for a lot of people, including a friend where we did every home she has lived in as  Coast Guard wife. I really love the power of having meaningful art in your home, something that connects to you and your story. Something I have learned over many years and many moves, it's these pieces that make you feel at home, no matter where you live. ✌🏻
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Do you have a home that is sentimental to you? 
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P.S. If you'd like a custom watercolor of your home, visit my Etsy shop via the link in my profile, or search MeaganRigneyCreates on Etsy! We can work together to create a beautiful, custom piece of a home that is meaningful to you (or as a gift!)
I'm typically really good now about not listening I'm typically really good now about not listening to what my brain tells me about my body. That constant buzz in the background that most of us hear on repeat from a young age.
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The one that tells us we aren't enough, that we can't eat THAT, that we will be happier when we weight less or wear this pant size. The one that listens to the diet commercials or sees a paid ad on social that promises that THIS diet will work. 
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I plug away. I move my body and I eat what sounds good to me. I HEAR the thoughts but I don't LISTEN to them. I focus less on picking myself apart in the mirror while I wait for my shower to heat up, I practice gratitude for what I do have. 
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But still, every once in awhile it creeps in and I do listen. I stare at what I look like now and try to compare it to a before, which is nothing new. No matter what I have weighted or looked like, from my smallest to my biggest, my mind trys to tell me I looked better THEN. That I should do more, work harder, not be  THIS. I let myself go there and I listen sometimes. I listen to the voice that has been my constant companion my whole life. 
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But then, my sanity kicks in. All the things I have learned over the past coule of years. YOU ARE ENOUGH, I repeat. Stop, no. You weren't happier then, you were comparing yourself, always. That body didn't make you happy, or the one before that. 
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I step away from the mirror, where I am critical. I repeat my mantras, even if it is harder to believe them sometimes.
I love my body.
I love my shape.
My body is a vessel for my soul.
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I repeat these over an over until the other voice fades into the background. She'll be back, and that's okay, but she won't be as loud. Slowly she is fading. It's like she's the passenger in my car and I've put on earplugs. She won't ever get out, but I don't have to listen.
And neither do you. 🙏🏻
How to have peace with the aging process...part 2. How to have peace with the aging process...part 2. 
To recap, first we need to see how society places value on being young and ageless and how we all buy into it! The truth is, we will all (hopefully!) wrinkle and sag and look nothing ike we do now. Whch is scary, yes? But inevitable. No cream or peel or injectable is going to stop this. Slow it down maybe, but not stop. 
So then what? We don't have the power to stop aging and basically changing each day till we die, but we DO have the power to embrace it. Because seriously, each day we have is a gift and I'll take being here to love my babies and husband as a blessing. Reframing our thoughts is important. Can you notice your thoughts? Can you reach for the next best thought instead? From "look at these wrinkles, I look old," to "my soul shines brightly no matter what I look like." I mean, you can say anything positive you want, just say it. You might now even believe it, but one day it will take hold. You'll realize your self worth isn't tied up in how you look. You'll realize that society values the young, but it is age that brings wisdom and peace. I wouldn't trade my 40 year old self to be 20 again, because my 20 year old self never, ever felt enough. She was terrified about failing and not being pretty and felt like an imposter. I may have more wrinkles and cellulite now, but I wouldn't trade the feeling of peace and worthiness I feel now. 
Can you focus on what your body can DO? In my late 30's my body ran its first half marathon and continues to do things my younger self never thoguht possible. My body allows me to do so much, from running to breathing and everything in between. Focusing on that helps, rather than staring in a mirror and seeing the beginning of what "getting older" looks like. Gratitude and positive thoughts, take it day by day, and you might find that there is more peace in that than clinging so tightly to something we aren't meant to be forever.
How to have peace with the aging process...part 1. How to have peace with the aging process...part 1.
To begin, I am 40, and in the grand scheme of things have a long way to go in this aging process! Ask me again when I'm 80 how I feel, who knows? 
Here's the deal, our society prizes being young and treating wrinkles at 22. It prizes super young celebrities and women who need to look not a day over 28. We see ads all day everyday for face lifts and creams and products that tell us we can stay young forever! If we just do this, and this, and this, we will never age. And you know what? For a bit it will work, because our skin is still young. Unless you do a couple procedures, your skin is going to wrinkle, sag, gravity will drag things down. NOTHING WILL STOP THIS. Have you ever seen a 90 year old look like their 20 year old self? The point is, we read magazines all day that talk about celebrities that either age well or not, we pick apart women for actually getting older. We judge them for "letting themselves go." So naturally, when we start to see signs of getting older, we begin to panic. Most of our societal role models are really young. I mean, we are sold wrinkle cream by 20 year old models, which is weird.
What if...what if you stop resisting? I'm not saying don't care for yourself. I'd probably do Botox if I had a bigger disposable income, but honestly, even that won't work after awhile. Nature  will take care of our physical bodies, we know that. So maybe just aknowledge that is okay. Your self worth isnt tied into the wrinkles by your eyes, okay? 
I'm not saying it's easy, but look around you. Are you following inspiring people your age and older? Are you buying into the societies view that our value is tied to our looks? Are you equating your self worth with what your body and face look like? How do you talk to yourself daily? Each day we age (if we are lucky), and we wil change a lot in our lifetime. It's all about perspective. I am LUCKY to age, to wrinkle, to sag. Are you?
A view of a few things happening around here... R A view of a few things happening around here...

Redoing the mud room! Painting (Comfort Grey by SW), laying the floors, and planning how to build in the countertop and sink. I design and husband executes it. ❤️

Creating prints for my Etsy shop and also, fun custom orders! (Two cute little parakeets.) You can request custom prints right on my shop page (link in bio) and I also do home portraits. 

When you are friends with a talented graphic designer and they design your new logo. 😍

What are you up to? What’s on your mind?
This is the time of year I only want to wear sweat This is the time of year I only want to wear sweatshirts and sweatpants and stay inside all day. It's gray outside and cold and "dressing cute" seems useless when you cover it with big jackets and boots.
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Except. 
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The other day I showered, and because I saw an outfit similar to this on Insta, I decided to recreate it and I felt really good! It felt good to try just a little bit, to work just 2 minutes to find something other than the 5 other things I have been repeating.  Not that anything is wrong with that. I just know that my creativity likes to come out in what I wear, and sometimes I forget how taking that extra minute to find something I love to wear is worth it. 
Just like moving my body is worth it, and putting down social media once in awhile is worth it, and taking time to be still is worth it, even for just five minutes. 
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Pssst.....You are worth it;)
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P.S. Shop this outfit via the link in my (Insta) bio, or head to my Shop My Instagram page at www.meaganrigney.com
When do you feel the most powerful? ✌🏻 ⠀⠀ When do you feel the most powerful? ✌🏻
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I feel it the most when I put on my workout clothes, right before a workout. There's something about intentionally putting on each piece of clothing that begins to give me inner PEACE. Knowing that I am choosing something that pushes me and makes me feel like I can do anything. 
I've pushed myself to the limit many times, past the point where I didn't think I could do more, and then I did. The last mile of a half marathon, a PR at CrossFit, the last 100 yards of a row at OrangeTheory. I've learned over and over again that I can push myself harder than I think. 

That I am capable.
That I am strong.

Often I start a workout with the thought that I'll just do my best, that it is up to me how hard I push myself. And then something clicks and I push harder, I run faster or grab a bigger weight. I take it minute by minute, one rep at a time. 

This is when I feel powerful. 

Exercising for me isn’t about changing my body or burning fat or losing weight ever, it is about choosing what heals me, what creates peace of mind and mental clarity.
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What makes you feel powerful?
I did a thing....💫 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I did a thing....💫
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I opened up an art shop on Etsy! 
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I've loved creating art my entire life, and always did it just for me, a hobby. I just really like creating things, something that quartantine really helped teach me after I forgot it in the busyness of life. I think creating and putting ourselves, our work into the world, can be scary, but also exhilarating! To take the chance and DO THE THING you are passionate about is really fun. 
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I love creating watercolor + hand lettered prints, and also adore painting custom home portraits. There's something about a home that is so special, whether it is the one you live in or your childhood one. I've painted homes people have brought babies home to, homes we no longer live in but have  a connection to. There is great joy in painting a picture of a place that makes someone smile. 
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What home has a special place in your heart?
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P.S. You can find my Etsy shop via the link in my (Instagram) bio, or just search MeaganRigneyCreates on Etsy!
What do you do for fun? 💫 ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ What do you do for fun? 💫
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I like to read, paint, bake bread on Sunday's, browse stores, watch movies with my family, decorate, a lot of things. One thing I am sure of is that I make time to leave room for FUN in my day. Stuff that is just for me and my enjoyment. It's not always easy, but even in really busy times in my life I made time for myself. 
What is that saying? "If you don't have 30 minutes, you don't have life?" I felt that. 
There are always a zillion excuses why we don't have TIME for fun and hobbies, but often it is because we don't think we are important enough to make the time. 
You don't have to monetize every hobby either (a side affect of our culture..) The other day my daughter said I should sell my homemade bread 😌 and I told her I liked baking it just for fun, for us. Other things I do for fun AND business, but a lot is just because I like it. 
Do you have a hobby that is pure joy and fun?

P.S. Sweatshirt is from @dressedinlala and I’ve worn it 4 days in a row. Use code MEAGANxLALA for 10% off ✌🏻#lalagirlgang
When I had my first baby almost 13 years ago, my m When I had my first baby almost 13 years ago, my main mission was to "get my body back." I was determined to lose the weight fast, to erase the fact that I had birthed a child from my body. I dieted, I restricted, and lost what little weight I had allowed myself to gain pretty fast. After my second child I had a harder time, but eventually learned the joy of exercise for weight loss that carried me through a decade or so. My main goal was to see what I could do with my body, to show that you didn't have to 'let yourself go' after kids. It brought me great satisfaction to weigh all my food and diet and go hungry, because in the end it felt like it paid off in what my body looked like. 
It wasn't until I had the wakeup call a year or so ago that I was chasing something I could never reach: perfection and looking to outside approval to validate me. I had a flat stomach that looked better than before I had kids, but I thought about food 24/7 and felt guilty around food too much and rarely enjoyed life if it wasn't something I could control. I was anxious all the time and ended up in the hospital and had major health issues. 
So I slowly started to let it go. I let go of WHY I was trying to be perfect, WHY I needed to prove that I wasn't 'letting myself go', WHY I felt like I had to be a certain size and wieght to be loved.
I began eating food for joy and letting go of guilt. I began seeing the issues in society that says we need to be a certain way to be valuable. It's been both amazing and hard at the same time. I restricted for so long that it feels weird to just eat when I'm hungry. I allowed myself to be under a certain weight for so long that it feels weird to settle somewhere higher. My stomach, which has stretched around two babies and is the first place I notice weight gain, makes me uncomfortable. Not because it is bad, but because it was where I felt my worth was. It's uncomfortable to grow, but necessary.
Have you seen the movie "Soul" yet? I watched it w Have you seen the movie "Soul" yet?
I watched it with my kids the other night and it really got to me. For a bit watching it I thought having a purpose was the whole point, something to anchor us to life.
And then...you discover that we have it all wrong. I'm guilty, too.
The point is to enjoy the moments and progress and little things we experience along the way. The point is to notice how good that pizza tastes, and how pretty the sunlight is when it comes through a window, and how wonderful a soft blanket feels when we snuggle on the couch.
How many of us are cruising along, waiting to get to a destination, and we don't stop to really SEE the joy around us? I'm hugely guilty of this, and I am working to let it go. I'm letting go of waiting to get to a certain point before I relax and have fun. The fun is here, right now, if we look for it. 
I've had the habut of writing 3 things I'm grateful for each morning when I wake up, and a lot of the time I write tiny things. The twinkle of a Xmas tree, that first sip of coffee, watching snow fall from a window.
In our rush to find a purpose in life we miss living and enjoying our ACTUAL life. 
At lunch the other day my daughter told me that she loved being in quarantine. She loved her flexible schedule and lots of family time and movies. Think about that. She saw quarantine as a blessing.
What can we see when we really look? Can we see the good in simple, ordinary days? Can we enjoy the moments even when they are less than ideal? 
What if we don't need a purpose, what we really need is the abilitity to see the blessing of each day and what we do have versus what we don't? 
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Have you seen Soul? What did you think?
One of the things that took me into my mid 30's to One of the things that took me into my mid 30's to figure out, was how good movement makes my body feel. 
I didn't know. For years I thought "working out" meant I had to do a class with complicated moves, or running miles on a treadmill, or something that I had to dread. The biggest gamechanger for me has been finding a community and a purpose around moving my body. At first I went to classes beacuse of the free gym care for my kids, and then I gradually built up to various programs where I did things on my own. It was really fun to see how hard I could push myself and to see what this body of mine could DO. That's what I loved about CrossFit, it was an atmosphere of being an athelete and focused on movement over changing your body or "burning calories off." Through that I discovered the ability to push myself to run a half marathon and do a Super Spartan race. I discovered my body could DO most anything I asked it to. 
I like pushing myself, making goals and achieving them. I like how I feel when I make time for movement, whether it be a class, running, hiking with my kids, or pilates at home. The key is I make time to move in a way that I enjoy, and I celebrate what my body can do rather than how movement makes it look. 
I truly think moving your body is the key for self care. It gives me so much confidence, and when I move my body I think about it less. It's not about how many calories I can burn, it's about moving my body beacuse I CAN. I respect it and want to treat it well. 
Instead of crash diets and cleanses, can you think about what you can add into your day? Can you add some movement? Start small! I don't always want to move my body, but I always feels better after. Can you add in something that sounds fun? Interesting? Even if it scares you a little! Training to run a half marathon was scary b/c I couldn't easily run 1 miles when I started. Twelve weeks later I ran 13.1 and it was the most empowering thing ever. 💫
If you scroll back deep enough in my feed you'll s If you scroll back deep enough in my feed you'll see a period of time where I posted a lot of "before and after's." 
It was a time in my life where I was learning about what my body could do, what I was capable of. And you know what, I reached a lot of physical goals. I "looked" like what I had always wanted to from a young age. That young, teen girl, who looked at thinner girls in magazines and at the beach and I would wonder what it felt like, you know? 
What would it feel like to take up less space, to have that "dream body" and feel confident in a swim suit? 
You know what? It feels good...for a minute. When you put on a suit and see yourself in a mirror, for a second it feels good. And then you still notice the flaws, the things to "fix." You still focus on food + cellulite + whether anyone notices your wrinkly knees.  You still feel less, not perfect, always needing to "control" diet and exercise to stay a certain way. 
I have been many sizes over the past 30 years, and my smallest sizes were my unhealthiest, where I existed on rice cakes and Diet Coke. (I also got the most compliments then, go figure.)
Over the past year I have been working on body kindness, and realizing that I am more than a body. I am more than a weight or pants size or perfect "after" photo. I've gained weight and realized that it is really freeing letting go of disordered eating and the limiting belief that I need to look perfect to be loved. To feel enough. I searched forever for this, thinking it had to do with what my body looked like. I was wrong. 
It isn't comfortable letting go of my past self and her ideals. I work on my mindset daily. Right now I focus on what my body can DO and how I want to FEEL. 
I want to feel joyful on a daily basis. I want to enjoy birthday cake + vacations. I don't want to restrict and starve in the name of diet culture. I want to be happy! Without the guilt of my past. It's what I/we deserve.
While I didn't make any big resolutions this year, While I didn't make any big resolutions this year, I did decide to keep up with what I was working on all last year, and that is more BODY KINDNESS. 
Right now the world is promising us all more happiness and fulfillment with cleanses and detoxes, intense meal plans and exercise routines. Most of these are designed to fail you, because 1) Happiness doesn't magically appear with a thinner body, and 2) A rush of willpower for 30 days or less when we are feeling vulnerable won't last. I promise you.
I'm not telling you to not exercise, or that feeding your body healthy foods isn't good for you, I'm just saying making huge promises when most of us are feeling off after the holiday season is setting us up for failure. 
The decision to love yourself (outside of what you look like) needs to come from within. We are not just a body, yet the world tells you otherwise. It wants to measure our worth based on weight and pants size and thigh gaps. 
I'm not saying it's wrong to want to make changes for our health and fitness ability, but there are a lot of nuances in there that the diet industry doesn't address. What I want for you is something you could have fun doing and something you can do for your whole life, not just 30 days and for x amount of pounds. I don't want you to not have the foods you love and severely restrict anything, because trust me, it will cause you to obsess and binge later. 
I just want you to know that you are OKAY regardless of your body size. I want you to know that you can be healthy and happy with a larger BMI (trust me on this!) I want you to know that you can love who you are even if your body doesn't look the way you want to right now. 
The quick fixes won't bring happiness.
Happiness comes from knowing you are enough AS IS, no matter what. Happiness comes from realizing it isn't your body that you need to work on, but your mindset and limiting beliefs of what society says is imporant.
Do yourself a favor if you can. When you are feeli Do yourself a favor if you can. When you are feeling *off, get dressed.
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It doesn't have to be fancy, or uncomfortable. 
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After a week or so of leggings and sweatshirts I felt the need to get dressed again. A soft as sin pullover, stretchy jeans that feel like leggings, and simple sneakers, and lipstick (that's my fave.) I felt so good! I ran a couple of errands and felt refreshed. While I love an excuse to wear lounge clothes, I also know that a large part of my mental health is creating a routine in a life that revolves mostly at home. It builds a rhythm into my day to wake up and move my body and then shower and get dressed. Some days I'm only dressed for a few hours, but it feels like I tried, you know? 
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I may work from home, but if you came over I'm probably in my home office working in "real clothes" as I say (not sweatpants lol) and it energizes me. I notice when I don't I don't feel as good, mentally.
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So yeah, that's my huge tip for today lol. 💫 Get dressed! What small step can you take to feel "normal?"
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P.S. shop all my “Instagram outfits” over on my blog! www.meaganrigney.com or follow the link in my profile
I have a confession. I'm not super comfortable wit I have a confession. I'm not super comfortable with where my body is right now. With the pandemic, a cross country move, a full home renovation, and LIFE, things are different.
Yet, I've never been happier. 💫 Truly! This year I also began therapy, wrote a memoir, and began to fully unlock a lifetime of disordered eating and anxiety. This was the year I started to enjoy food and life more than ever, something I couldn't do before without a lot of fear. I'm learning to intuitively eat rather than restrict and binge, and I'm learning what is a healthy amount of exercise for my mental health. 
Truthfully, not much has changed with me physically, past a little extra weight, but what has changed is my tolerance for it. Instead of frantically working to look a certain way, I'm accepting what is, right now. I don't believe my limiting beliefs anymore.  I'm looking less at what my body looks like (and picking apart every single inch no matter what size I am,) and focusing on how I feel. 
I was never happy with my body, ever, except in rare moments when I controlled every ounce I ate, and that only lasted a minute. True happiness started to happen when I let go of my self worth being tied to my weight. I never felt that before this year, truly. 
To do that I have to look at myself, truly look, and say, " I may not look the way I want right now, and that is okay. I am enough AS IS." I am gentle with myself. I do what makes me feel good, inside. I focus on what my body can DO. I focus on how I want to FEEL each day. 
There is no magic diet or shake that will get you what you want or make you happier, I promise. I can also tell you that my smallest size never corresponded to my best mental health. There's a difference between what your body can do and what is better for your mental wellbeing and happiness. For me, allowing myself to let go of control + anxiety about my body has been freeing. I want that for you, too. We deserve it. ⭐️
Real life lately... My daughter and I put together Real life lately...
My daughter and I put together her new gerbil cage with less than clear instructions and sent this pic to my husband so he could praise us. 🙌🏻
My son got a pair of tiny hands for Xmas and we have had a stupidly fun time using them.🤩
I opened up my box of hair dye and this is what my gloves looked like...😂
Two parents on Xmas morning.😊
Snuggled up watching Hallmark while Daddy works. ✌🏻

How’s your week going?
The promises are already showing up in my feed and The promises are already showing up in my feed and in commercials on tv. New diets + workout plans that promise you happily ever after if you just eat fruit all day for all meals, or get rid of all carbs.  And you know what? They will work, for a short time. When you restrict, weight does fall off, but most of these diets are meant to fail us. We aren't meant to live on just fruit or one type of food. We aren't meant to exercise hard for only 6 weeks at a time. 
I promise you, after the holidays when we are feeling a little bloated and off, you don't need to buy into the promise that in the New Year you have to be a NEW YOU. You don't have to buy into the promise that you aren't worthy right now, as is, even if you don't feel the best.
Here's what I know: it always takes me at least two weeks after a vacation/hliday/etc to feel like ME again. In those two weeks I give myself grace. Each day I take the steps that I know make me feel well emotionally. I slowly start to drink more water. I move my body gently doing what feels good. I eat some meals that fill me up and I don't restrict anything. I just ask, 'what sounds good today?" And you know that, after a week or so, maybe a smoothie sounds good again, or maybe I want to do a pilates video? Or maybe I want to enjoy that delicious trifle I made?
I do know this, restricting + going all out on crazy exercise regimes on January 1st never lasts. We aren't meant to have a lifetime of willpower. We are meant to eat intuitively and move our bodies for joy. Diet culture tells us we will be happier when we get THERE, but I promise you that is not true. Can you be happy here, even if it isn't where you want to be? Can you move your body in a way that you could do it forever? Can you eat in a way that you can sustain forever, so when you die you know you didn't spend your whole life worried about 20 unwanted pounds? I know I don't. We deserve better, and diet culture isn't it.
What do you do? This question always trips me up. What do you do?
This question always trips me up. I hear it often, it's a question you get within five minutes of meeting someone most of the time. What "I do," is nuanced, and often I feel like I have to dumb it down. For a long time I said, 'stay at home mom,' which was primarily true for awhile. Then I started a blog and that morphed into 'influencer,' and that is hard to explain. Mostly because I don't like that title, even if it is accurate most of the time. 
Sometimes I joke around and say I 'sell sweaters on the intenet," (joking about what my analytics tell me people are influenced to buy on my behalf.) Sometimes I say 'blogger', or "I used to teach.' I guess I have never been comfortable explaining what I do on a daily basis because it doesn't sound concrete, you know? 
"What do you do?"
I write things from my heart and hope to heal others by sharing it. I take pictures of myself in pretty clothes, and in my underwear. I create videos and write blog posts and a newsletter, and I really hope to change how girls grow up in the world and view their value. I do this by sharing how I have changed, how I value myself, how I have found self worth. I write daily about my struggles and answer people who message me and feel the same. I learn new skills almost daily, so I can grow creatively and reach more people. I'm constantly thinking about the 12 year old me + how I can help her, and help heal the 12 year old version of YOU. 
I do this while also being a mom and wife and friend. I do this even when it seems silly and I ask if it is worth it. Usually when I think it is dumb and I should get a 'real job,' I get messages that I changed how someone loved themselves or thought about themselves, and I keep going. I do this because not only do I like sharing fun outfits, but because this world is pretty amazing that a small town gal like me can access so many of you no matter where I live. This is what I do.
You know what the girl in the collage photos alway You know what the girl in the collage photos always felt? Not enough. There was no magic weight or size or milestone that made her feel like she was okay. Ever.
I've always used photos as a milestone, to show myself that I was worthy. Rarely would they satisfy. You'd find me searching for earlier photos where I thought Iooked better, yet in those earlier photos I wasn't content.  I defined myself by my body, by how "perfect" I could be, by needed constant validation to feel good. I'd pick apart the pieces of myself I didn't like, try to hide them or use editing to wash it away. I used restricted eating and intense exercise as a way to feel in control, and when things didn't go to plan I felt anxious and scared. Holidays and birthdays stressed me out, because they meant a loss of that control. I only felt good when I followed this very strict plan, which... spoiler alert, was hard to keep up. On vacations I'd be the mom on the treadmill in the hotel gym, or tracking calories on an app at DIsney. There was no moment where I could let my guard down, because then I might 'let myself go," and that was my worst case scenario. Who would I be if I relaxed my standards, went up a size or two, became the "after photo" after years of work? Over this year I'be learned a lot about myself and anxiety, and how I use food + my body to control how I feel. It's been a journey, of acceptance and love and learning to feel enough, even if I am uncomfortable. 
This is the year I ate Thanksgiving dinner without thinking of how little I could eat and how I could work it off. This is the year I realized that I don't want people to remember me by how my body looked and how anxious food made me. This is the year I look at my body, with all it has given me and done for me, and say thank you. This is the year I decided not to believe the limiting beliefs I truly believed by whole life. This is the year that I learned that what I weigh is the least interesting thing about me.
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