Old Navy tee and bucket bag, old (option); Forever 21 skirt; ℅ Sears shoes (LOVE this Target option!); Blank NYC moto jacket.
For the past nine months or so I have had serious doubts about this blog and all that comes with it. I’ve often wondered what is the point, coming back day after day and forcing myself to be here and do this. The work and monotony sometimes gets to me, I guess. Worrying about pageviews and comments, and keeping up with social media seems exhausting. Yet, when I think to myself, “Just QUIT already!”, I can’t. For every bad couple of days (or weeks) that can occur, some really AWESOME stuff will happen, too. I’ll collaborate with a company that I have always admired, or connect with someone over something I’ve written, or gotten a kind shout out from another blogger. The good moments add up and keep me saying YES to returning to this space day after day, year after year. It’s a commitment to blog consistently and for long periods of time. I love that it keeps me thinking of fresh ways to style myself or to get dressed when I probably wouldn’t. It pushes me to be better, try harder, and be the best me I can be.
I often wonder at what point this just won’t do it for me anymore. Will it be when I return to work and won’t have time? When the pageviews and income drop off and I’m not willing to care? I feel discouraged here a lot, putting so much effort into something that isn’t really giving me back what it used to. Having to keep up a curated Instagram feed (love this post from The Daily Tay on that!), and feeling like what I have is not good enough. I only want to be myself and share what makes me happy, not what is popular and cool.
Often when I feel this way (which is a lot, lately), I try to remember that this space is really just for me, and the readers that I connect with on a daily basis. I don’t have to be in the rat race, always searching to be bigger and get the best deals and make the most money. I can reel it all back in and post outfits and looks that I love, write stories and posts that make me think, and do only what I adore here, not what is trending and popular.
I want to show up because I want to, not because it is a habit. I want to work with those that excite me, and do less of what doesn’t. If I don’t feel like posting, I won’t. I love doing the three days a week thing I am doing now, because it works. Sometimes the ideas and writing flows, and sometimes it doesn’t. Some weeks I can’t take pictures and come up with anything fresh, and that is okay. Having doubts is okay.
I just wanted to say today, that I have doubts about blogging. A lot. And I hope I’m not alone.