I lost my stepdad a little over a month ago and it has been hard. I’ve been lucky enough to not have lost a lot of people in my life, especially a parent figure. I guess I’m shocked by how it just becomes this ache that doesn’t really go away. I keep watching this Hollywood Medium show (and I never watched those before), kind of hoping that this is all real and our loved ones stick around. I’ve written before how I’m not really sure if we go somewhere when we die, or if it’s just wishful thinking, but I’ve been leaning towards the hope that we DO go somewhere. 

You see, I’ve been desperately looking for signs that he is still around me. I want proof, something tangible that says, “I am here and I am at peace.” And I’ve seen a couple of signs, which gives me great hope! The first happened when I had a really vivid dream, where he was sitting next to me in a chair in a living room. He looked whole and happy, and he was returned to the guy I knew. He wasn’t sick and frail, he was himself. He was sitting there telling me that he hadn’t passed over yet and that he was so happy to feel good again. He told me that he was watching us and he was good. I woke up feeling like it was real and that it happened, and wasn’t a dream. I hope it was real, because to think of him whole and not ill would be amazing.

The second sign came late at night as I fell asleep watching that Hollywood Medium show again (which is strangely really good and NOT what I’ve ever watched before.) My husband was working overnight so it was just me in bed. I fell asleep with the tv on and when I woke up a little bit later I came awake to the actual sensation of being tucked in. It was weird! I couldn’t tell if it was part of a dream or whatever, as I get freaked out sometimes when home alone, but I felt myself being tucked in and the covers being pulled over my shoulders. Yet I wasn’t scared. I felt it was him caring for me. 

The third sign happened after a conversation I had with a loved one about looking for signs of him. It was emotional for me and I was crying while I had the conversation. It was a specific, private conversation about looking for signs from him, and what we had both felt. The next morning I woke up and checked Facebook, and the first thing that popped up was a Timehop photo of him and my son from four years ago. It was a very obscure photo that wouldn’t normally be something that they showed me. I took this as a sign from him, that he had heard the conversation the night before and was showing me he was near. It made me so happy! 

I’ll keep looking for signs that he is near, as just the thought that he can be here watching over the kids and I would make me so, so happy. I want him to be free of pain and suffering and back to the person I remember him as. I want him to be our guardian angel, going back and forth among his loved ones and being a part of all of our lives. I can see him smiling and sitting next to me, just like old times. 

I’m ready for more signs, John!