I sat down and looked at my calendar this past weekend and realized that an important party that my daughter wanted to go to was the day before I thought it was. ANd we had missed it. She was pretty upset and my first inclination was to FIX IT. My knee jerk reaction is to buy her something, because that is something she likes (as do I…), but I realize that goes against the point of self development. We have to FEEL the feelings of dissapointment (me for messing it up, her for missing something she wanted to go to) without BUFFERING (whatever destructive thing we turn to to not feel.) I buffer by shopping online, procrastinating, and wanting to FIX those around me. Working daily (by the minute?) to heal this. These feelings will pass and we will be OKAY. Anyway, just a real life update on how we are working through things over here in my house;)
Just a reminder: It is OKAY to mess up and dissapoint those around us. We are human and make mistakes. We don’t always make the best choices. But we forgive and choose again next time. Be kind to yourself, speak kindly to yourself. It will pass.
Forgive yourself. Release and let go. Believe you are amazing and enough and loveable no matter what.
On to another concept that is not new to me, but applying it in this certain way is. Many of us have heard about envisioning your best future self and showing up as HER today.
Basically you come up with your best case scenario of who you want to be, write it down and really feel what it feels like to already be there. Then you behave that day and every day forward as if this is already true.
For instance, maybe in three years you have a lot of money coming in from your dream job and you are financially affluent. You then think about how that feels, how that looks, and what you think about after this has been achieved. You then wake up and think that way NOW, even if everything in your life says otherwise. It means thinking in gratitude, appreciation for what is not yet seen, and speaking as if this is already true.
I’ve always loved this and I try to do this, but it can be tricky to keep going. Life is messy and can get in our way. Which is why when I heard this other approach I instantly perked up.
Try using If, then….statements.
For instance, take a goal of yours. I’ll use a common one and one I like. I would like to feel good in a bathing suit this summer. (Notice, I am not using weight, body shaming statements, etc. I prefer to use FEEL when it comes to body image!)
So today, I would say…If I want to feel good in a bathing suit this Summer…
then…Today I will drink my smoothie because it makes me feel good all day about that healthy choice,
then…I will choose to work out 4-5 days a week this week.
then…I will eat one serving of dinner and really slow down and enjoy what I am eating instead of thinking about that second serving.
then…I will choose to compliment my body in the mirror instead of picking it apart.
Can you see the shift? You can apply to this ALL of your goals. Another intention I have is to be an amazing mom.
If I want to be an amazing mom, then today I will,
..put my phone down when my kids talk to me and look them in the eyes..
…play Battleship with my son even though I hate playing it, because he wants to spend time with me.
…I will make my kids a healthy breakfast before school, kiss them goodbye, and be the first one to give them a big hug when they come home.
So how can you use this in your life right now?
I suggest coming up with a list of goals/intentions, and then apply the If/Then statements to them. I prefer to do this daily, because a short 24 hours period is easy to keep up with. What is important to you?
What this does is make really clear what is important to you, and helps you design your day around that!