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Meagan Rigney

how to stay happily married

August 20, 2013      Leave a Comment

Target tee; shoes and tote; c/o Lulu’s skirt (similar); Lemons and Lace headband (similar); Curious Creatures necklaces.
I ran across a random pin on Pinterest the other day about making marriage work and all the clichés that goes into articles like those. You know, the advice columns that say “never go to bed angry” and other such mundane pieces of advice? I think the funniest part about marriage is, it is a simultaneously a lot harder and a lot easier than I thought. I mean, I honestly had no idea what I was getting into. I fell in love in college and through sheer stubbornness decided that that was it and he would be mine. I never once wondered how we would parent together or that we would move far from family or whether our spending styles were the same. I took a leap and…it worked. Somehow, someway, we do sync up on these fronts and it works. There is a lot of trial and error involved. So many many many many discussions and arguments and compromises have gone into this life of mine. Daily. Weekly. Monthly. Yearly. If I could go back to that 22 year old girl who moved in with her boyfriend (to the Bahamas, no less!) That girl and that boy had no idea what would become. Something beautiful and life sustaining and more full than I ever dreamed possible. All on a whim and a gut instinct inside telling me that this was the guy for me. No matter what. 
I’ve learned a thing or two in my almost 9 years of marriage and 13 years together. It’s probably not advice you may expect, and some of it is probably shocking to some. But it’s real. Let’s get started, shall we?
1) Keep your mouth shut.
Okay, I hear you on this one. I do. It sounds so 1950’s ish and degrading. Yet it’s true. If I really said every thought that came to my mind on a daily basis when it came to my spouse? Yikes. There are a zillion and one moments in our life where I want to say something, make a retort, a comment, something not kind. He will annoy me in some way, or say something that irritates me and I will keep my mouth shut. It’s not worth it. I know he does the same. We talk about this and know there are traits the other has that annoy the crap out of each other, or one will be irritable and say something inflammatory. BUT, if you know this and think ahead and say, “Is this worth a fight right now? Is it really worth escalating this past this moment?” If it isn’t (and it usually isn’t) I keep my mouth shut. I may complain to my best friend or come up with everything nasty I would say to him in my head, but I don’t say it to him. It’s not worth it. I wish I had done this more in our earlier days. We would have fought much less and been more happier, earlier. 
2) Ask yourself, “What can I do to make his life easier today?”
I have no idea where I first read this, but it instantly struck a chord in me. I am someone who can get stuck in my own head a lot of the time (hello, blog!) and my biggest challenge is thinking of others before myself. My inner monologue had a lot of ME, ME, ME in it and that doesn’t always work well in marriage. I get caught up in what he has done for me and in the end it makes me a bit more bitter and resentful than I want to be. As much as this hurts to say, this life is not all about me. I have a husband who shares it with me. His happiness is my happiness and doing for him makes me happy. Does this mean I’m his servant that constantly works on tasks to please my husband? No! It just means I look for ways to make his day a little bit easier. It can be as simple as taking in the trash cans so he doesn’t have to, or making his lunch for work sometimes, or buying him his favorite dessert and surprising him. I want him to know I am thinking of him and we are a team. I don’t do these little tasks and expect him to reciprocate. I do these because it makes me feel good to help him and in the end, he ends up doing the same for me. It is a courteous way of living, and has made life better in more ways than one. 

3) Be on the same page when it comes to parenting.
This could have gone so wrong in so many ways. I mean, I met this man when I was 19 and knew fairly soon that he was it for me, but did I wonder how we would be as parents? Not really. When one child runs out of a restaurant in the parking lot and the other is throwing up and there are no wipes…how will you both handle it? How about when you bring a newborn home and you have a 17 month old and they decide to hang from the chandelier? (True story.) There are so many moments in parenthood where you need to be on the same page or life will be hell. I promise you. We have similar parenting styles and always back each other up. Do I agree with everything he says to our children? No. Nor does he agree with everything I do. But we are a united front and discuss it behind closed doors and not in front of the kids. Ever. He trusts me to make most of the decisions when it comes to routines and schedules and discipline and backs me up. Always. I realize how lucky we are to be like this, because without this total agreement on all things child related we would never make it. Childcare and discipline takes up 95% of our daily life at this point and if we weren’t on the same page we would be a goner. Man, I lucked out on this one. Having a partner in crime against these two little hellions angels make life so much better. Plus, then we get to go out on dates and laugh over how crazy they are. And how much we love them.

4) You might not always like each other.
This may come as a shock to those ladies wishing for a fairytale, or those that think life is like “The Notebook”…..(yum, Ryan Gosling…..), but it’s not. There are going to be moments when you will look at your spouse and wonder why on earth you got married. This feeling may last a minute, a day, or more. This is normal. I can’t imagine there is anyone in the world that can live together, raise children and deal with family, friends, bills, general life craziness, and honestly like each other every second of the time. I mean, do you always like everyone in your life all the time? There are many moments where I wonder if I like my kids sometimes. This doesn’t mean I don’t love them. I love my husband to the moon and back. He is the father to my children and watching him be their daddy is amazing. But day to day life gets in the way and arguments happen and there are a good number of times when I don’t really like him. The feeling is mutual. Would I like to live with ME and deal with all my nonsense? NO. See, we have to put up with each other and make it work despite these moments that are fleeting. So fleeting. These petty differences and little slices of life where he annoys me and I wonder, who is this guy and why are we married? They happen less and less as time goes on. We do still annoy each other, a lot, but I let more things roll off my back and chalk it up to knowing him and his moods, and he knowing me and my moods. It’s a mutual toleration, if you will. 

5) Roommate syndrome
One of the jokes we often have together is using the nickname, “roomie.” Think about it. When you are busy working and raising kids and doing all the mundane tasks that life throws at you, are you connecting with your partner? If you have to wonder, did we kiss today? Did we have one moment alone where we were just the two of us? This reality and having to work at romance and love is not as simple as movies/books/popular culture suggest. It is so easy to get caught up with life and forget the reason you are here. How did these children get here in the first place? How did we build this life and this house filled with these things? Our marriage is an entity all its own, with arguments and inside jokes and secrets only we know. Our children are a part of the circle, but inside is a core where only we belong. Keeping this spark alive and fresh and new is work. Sometimes it has to be scheduled and worked into a busy life, but it has to be there or else I find the core of what created this family is missing something. I need to know that what brought us together will be here long after raising our children is done. This essential part of life that is us. Watching a movie on the couch together, holding hands on the way in the grocery store, an occasional night away, laughing together in bed at night, not to mention all that other sexy stuff I won’t be mentioning (but it’s super important!), are all keys to keeping the spark alive. Remember why on earth you are together and why you enjoy each other. I genuinely like being with my husband and having alone time, it keeps things fun and helps in the moments outlined in paragraph 4 up there. My life is not romance 24/7, but having mini moments where I remember why we are in this together in the first place? Those are priceless to me. 
In the end, marriage is more rewarding and more difficult than I ever imagined. I look back on that 24 year old bride and know she has no idea what she is doing. She doesn’t know he will teach her more about herself than any other man. She doesn’t know how much he will make her laugh, and cry. She doesn’t know she is capable of biting her tongue or that going to bed angry is better than staying up all night arguing. She doesn’t know how fulfilling it is to create a family with this person, and that all the little things that annoy her and him will mean nothing when they hold their first child. She doesn’t know much, but she does know that she loves him. And she’s willing to stick it out, no matter what. And he feels the same. 

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Hi, friend! My name is Meagan and I like to overshare on Insta-stories, LOVE finding the best stuff for everyday life, and I truly believe that life is more fun when you feel good about yourself, both inside and out.

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meaganrigney

This picture is NOT an accurate representation of This picture is NOT an accurate representation of my last week (swipe to see reality.)
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You guys, it's been a WEEK. Last Monday-ish I started getting some tooth and jaw pain, which had been going on for a few weeks and then really escalated. To the point where it became unbearable and the worst pain I've ever felt. I have a pretty high pain tolerance and this took me to my knees. 
I went to the doctor thinking I had an ear infection (?) and she diagnosed TMJ (turns out I can be an anxious and tense person lol.) Then I went to the dentist and was referred to an Endodontics doctor for a root canal (my first.) I got a laser treatment on my jaw that I thought sounded ridiculous, but ended up loosening up my jaw and relieving a lot of that pain, and then got a root canal on Friday. (I also had nitrous for that procedure and they gave me so much that I feel like I fell into a time/space continuum? I mean, I swear I left my body and EXPERIENCED THINGS.✌🏻)
AnYwAy....after that was done and my teeth calmed down a bit, I started to gradually feel relief from the pain. I still have to chew carefully and get a crown put on, but MAN, there is nothing like a health issue to make you grateful for being pain free. I am so grateful to not be tied down to a heating pad and unable to function, that was awful.
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Thank you to everyone that sent well wishes and good vibes via my DM's, you guys are the best and I am so grateful for this community here. It can feel so isolating sometimes creating content and writing and talking to my phone, and you all showed up for me and gave me strength. I heart you. ❤️
For Spring break last week we went to Chicago for For Spring break last week we went to Chicago for a few days! 
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It felt so good to DO something again, to experience new things and even do simple things we took for granted like go out to eat + stay in a hotel. (It felt very safe with masking and social distancing and all the things that are pretty normal in our world right now;)
We went to the Art Institute and I took about 5,578 pics of inspiring artwork (art museums are my happy place,) and ate some really delicious food. We also went back to the Museum of Science and Industry and found that most of its exhibits were closed (understandably,) which we were disappointed with. 
Seriously though, we were just grateful to BE SOMEWHERE! I felt invigorated and grateful and hopeful all at once. 
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I also forgot how much I love Chicago and how much I have missed Lake Michigan and I am just so happy to be living near it all again. 
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Have you travelled lately?
I bought these shorts yesterday from Target, one s I bought these shorts yesterday from Target, one size up from my normal size (how I typically order shorts.) As you can see, they don't even come close to fitting me. I couldn't button even 1 of the buttons, never mind all of them. So I stripped them off + added them back into the bag to be returned. 
I want to take this opportunity to share how sizing is really, really subjective. I currently fit into 3 different sizes for pants, some from the same brands. Depending on where I buy from and how I want things to fit I can either be a size down or two sizes up from what I normally wear. Here's the deal, you DESERVE to be comfortable in your clothes. You DESERVE to feel good in what you are wearing. For a long time I got hung up on size and weight, I felt it defined me and my worth. I used to be terrified to go up a size and did a lot of unhealthy things to avoid that. 
I just want you to know this: your weight and size is the LEAST interesting thing about you! You are worthy and enough no matter what the world and diet culture has taught you. It is okay to go up a size or a lot of sizes. It's okay to wear things that fit you right now, even if it isn't where you want to end up. I know I instantly feel better when I am wearing something that fits me versus something that is too tight (which most of my clothes from a year ago are.)
Also, the clothing industry basically makes up sizes. They are ridiculous and if you ever hold up clothes that are the same size yet vastly different you will see. Clothes are meant to fit you, not the other way around. 
These shorts didn't fit me and that's okay. I have other ones that do, and if those don't fit me at some point I can buy more (which is a privilege.) 
Let's not let size, weight, or crappy indicators like the BMI index define how we should feel each day. I want to know, how do you want to FEEL? Me👉🏻Strong, capable, happy + a bunch of other words that aren't about my looks.
When I was in high school (back in the late 1900's When I was in high school (back in the late 1900's 🙃) we had to pick a 'major,' something to guide us towards picking a career someday. This major would work similar to a college one, you take a bunch of classes in the area you chose and spend 4 years expanding on that. I chose art as my major, and during my high school years I got to take a wide variety of art classes. I did ceramics, drawing, oil painting, and a ton of other fun and creative things. I learned how to stretch canvases to paint on and loved the smell of turpentine. I can still smell the unique scent of an art eraser and see my hand coated with charcoal after a class. Creating art was always truly fun for me, something I looked forward to daily. 
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Yet, when I went to college I chose Business as my major. It seemed more practical, right? Art was for fun and Business was more realistic. I took accounting and economics and dutifully got that degree. Life happened, I married a guy in the military and I decided to get a Masters in teaching so I could easily transfer a job from place to place. We had kids and I stayed home with them, started a fashion blog and funneled all my creativity into that (which I loved.) I'm always drawn to pretty things, whether its a gorgeous sweater, a painting in a museum, or the way the light comes in my window in the afternoon. 
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Not that long ago I picked up a paint brush for the first time in a  long time, and it all came rushing back. Creating things for fun, remembering my passion for drawing and painting and taking the time to create pretty things just because. I bought a canvas and decided to paint something for me, something I could hang in my office and enjoy. Layer by layer, I added color and texture, used brushes and wedges and often my own fingers to make something that brought me joy. It's messy and colorful, whimsical and abstract. It makes me happy to look at it and to know that I have reclaimed a piece of myself.
How much are you being led by fear? 
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I notice that a lot of what stops me is fear of what may happen, or fear of making other people mad at me. For instance: I am debating quitting one gym and going to another, and the thought of walking in to the front desk and telling them I need to cancel my membership makes me anxious! I've contemplated just never going back and losing the money I paid just so I don't have to talk to someone. I've stayed awake at night thinking about it and wasted about 10 hours of my life on what would be a 5 minute conversation, really. I KNOW this new gym is better for me, yet I've contemplated never making the change because it seems easier right now to stay. 
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Yet, over the years I have learned that this uncomfortable feeling passes. Not right away, I'll have to walk into another new place and try to make friends and it will feel really hard and overwhelming for a short period of time. I know, though, that this is part of the magic. I have felt this way before all other really good things in my life. At the door to my old gym that I loved, at the starting line of a half marathon, right before I walked down the aisle, putting my art up for sale, writing a blog post where I expose a little piece of my soul.
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These moments, where I stood in that uncomfortable place and took a deep breathe and took the risk, those are the moments that defined the best parts of my life. This is what defines a life, when you push through the uncomfortable stuff to do what calls you. These moments are often small and not life changing (I mean, changing gyms isn't,) but the little wins give you the courage to make bigger leaps of faith, and isn't that the point? We aren't meant to stay the same, to never feel our heart pound with excitement and nerves. We aren't meant to stay the same, because nothing is forever. 
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What are you most scared of? What leap do you want to take, big or small?
Nothing like a fresh mani to start off the week. Nothing  like a fresh mani to start off the week. 💫💅🏻
How to be more comfortable in your body...
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1) Know your triggers. What sends you in a spiral? For me it's a few things: trying on clothes that no longer fit me, looking at old pictures where I think I "look better,"and basically every evening after I eat dinner and feel full. Once you know what triggers you you can then work on strategies to combat them. Which leads me to...
2) Come up with a way to respond to these triggers ahead of time. I take clothes that don't fit and either donate them right away, or put them in a  box to try again at a later time. I don't suggest holding onto things that are never going to fit again. Honestly? You will probably buy something new to wear if you need another size. Buy clothes that fit you right now, where you are. I also know that I have always compared myself to an earlier version of myself, and found the 'new me' lacking. Yet it keeps moving! I never enjoy where I am right now, even when I know in a year I might think 'this me' is more desirable.  I now notice the thought and remind myself, 'you weren't happier then either.' I also notice after dinner is when my body anxiety pops up, and when it does and I want to make plans to "fix it." That's when  talk myself down. Which leads me to...
3) I like to use phrases or affirmations when my brain tries to tell me something I know is not true. At night when my anxiety creeps in and I want to make extreme plans that don't honor me I like to repeat, "Nothing is forever." This feeling isn't forever, who I am right now isn't forever, and I always feel better the next day. Other affirmations I use..."I have a body. I love my body. I love my shape. My body is a vessel for my soul. I am enough." Just gentle reminders to shhhh my inner critic, who is honestly just the scared version of the real me who needs love. It's important to notice the thoughts, and let them go. Nothing is forever! Not the body you are in, your feelings, your anxiety, it all passes.
I swear, the older I get the more I just want to b I swear, the older I get the more I just want to be comfortable. I spent years, it feels like, dressing for others, or how I thought I "should." I've worn really uncomfortable things in the name of fashion (haven't were all?!) and I guess my tolerance for that is just at about a zero now? 
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I just want to wear things that feel like ME, or like a hug, or that don't make me have to adjust and fidget all of the time. (Still kinda laughing that I used to teach Kindergarten in actual heels, all day everyday. WHY.)
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How about you? What's your favorite thing to wear?
My newest painting that I added to my Etsy shop ov My newest painting that I added to my Etsy shop over the weekend! She is 24"x24" and was so much fun to create! Should I add more like this? 
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And... what's your preferred size for artwork in your home? 
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*The link to my Etsy shop is in my bio, or head to MeaganRigneyCreates on Etsy.com
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*I also do custom work, so if you have an idea for artwork (colors, size, etc) message me and we can come up with something you LOVE;)

#mixedmediaartist #abstractpainting #abstractart #mixedmedia #artistsoninstagram #artist
For most of my life I cared more about what other For most of my life I cared more about what other people thought about me more than what I thought about me. I chose things to please others, dressed to make others happy, I basically based most of my life around people pleasing. Which, as you can imagine, isn't sustainable. 
How many of us go through life worrying about what "they" will think? And then when you ask who "they" are, most of us only name about 3 people, “they” are people we don't know on social media. We make ourselves small, and create anxiety and stress in our lives to make "those people" happy, and often enough, it doesn't work. Then what? 
In my late 30's I began looking at my actions, what I chose to do with my life and how I acted and asked, "if no one else could see me do this (in person or online) would I still choose it? Would I wear that outfit, do that workout, care about bathing suit pictures or pants sizes, would it matter to me deep inside?” Often I learned the answer was no. I had to stop performing as if my life was for the approval of others and ask if I approved, ME. Did this make ME happy? And, if the people around me thought something I was wearing/doing/saying was dumb/wrong/weird, could I still own it? 
Owning who I am, what I like and how I show up in the world, has changed everything. I feel more inwardly confident, that quiet knowing that says, this is me and I like who I am. No one can take that away from me,  no opinion or comment or snarky attitude. I'm embracing what makes me different and not apologizing for it. This also comes from doing serious internal work, therapy and digging up my limiting beliefs, owning my shadow and learning what my triggers are and where they come from. It's daily work that has taken me awhile, and the more I peel away the layers of who I thought I was and found who I truly am, the happy and more content I could be. 
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We all have this ability, it just takes courage to find and embrace yourself as is.
My little corner studio in my home office! I order My little corner studio in my home office! I ordered a super cheap computer table from Amazon that has a layer of cardboard on it to let paint drip on, and a chair that I thought was fun. ✌🏻 I haven't really organized my paints and brushes other than to have them accessible. Sometimes I lay paintings on the floor on a drop cloth, and often I just prop them against the wall as I work on them. I also have my work desk where my computer is that I do my watercolor and drawings on, I guess I keep the two things separate (watercolor and mixed media abstracts!)
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Oh, and the painting on the floor I did for me, I am waiting to hang it up in my office. The paintings on my desk are for my Etsy shop! I am working on creating a few exciting things in there;) 
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Did you know, you can message me here or on Etsy and we can create custom orders for you? I love creating one of a kind things for you! Just message me and we can chat and figure it out (link in profile or MeaganRigneyCreates.)

#mixedmediaart #artist #mixedmediapainting #artiststudiospace #artistcorner
I've decided a few things lately. ⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀ I've decided a few things lately. 
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I will automatically buy any clothing that has... a) a tiger on it, b) is rainbow colored, c) any type of sunflower or daisy, and d) any version of a happy face. I'm a sucker for any/all of these things. Also, sherpa slippers. ✌🏻
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What do you automatically buy if you see it?
For my husband's birthday this year I painted him For my husband's birthday this year I painted him a picture of his childhood home! This is the home he was born and raised in, where he helped his dad build that stone wall and where I would come visit in college when we were dating. This is where he grew into to man I love and, while his family no longer owns it, he can look back at the memories with love. I loved creating this for him, knowing we could hang it up in our new home and have a piece of our past in the home of our future. 
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*you can order a custom watercolor of YOUR past or present home via my Etsy shop (either the link in my profile) or search 'MeaganRigneyCreates' on Etsy.com
Something I heard on a podcast the other day that Something I heard on a podcast the other day that blew my ever loving mind....
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What are you doing for your future self?
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I've heard this before, but for some reason it really clicked. I have used this to guide me when I didn't feel like working out, as I know I always feel good when I get there and right after. Very rarely do I sit it out and feel like it won't do me good to go. 
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Yet,
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I don't do this in many other areas of my life. I procrastinate a lot on so many things. Returning packages, making appointments, any type of writing, etc. Unless I have it written down and highlighted in my planner, I won't do it. And even then I might not unless it is a hard and fast deadline. 
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It gives me a lot of anxiety to do this. I hate it, yet I still try to find ways to not do something. To talk myself out of it. I think that is why I like the concept of doing things for your future self. 
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I might not want to edit my book or find an agent, but my future self will appreciate it when I do it in a timely manner. Just like I am pretty proud now I set the goal to write daily until my book was done. My future self appreciates when I do what I said I would do, because it builds her confidence in herself. It tells her that I value her mental health for just DOING what I need to do, intead of putting it off and the worrying about putting things off. 
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What do you want to do for your future self?
Life lately... Creating my first large canvas pai Life lately...

Creating my first large canvas painting since high school, the custom watercolor I did of my husbands childhood home for his birthday, yummy cake, mixing paints and finding pretty color palettes, playing with my kid’s gerbils while she’s in school. 🙃
What are you up to?
Continued from last post...
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One day I decided to write it down. I wrote down how I felt at my lowest and called my doctor. When they asked me why I needed the appointment I took a deep breath and said, "I'm not feeling like myself and I need to talk to the doctor about it." 
When I got there I handed her my phone with what I had written and let her read what I had been feeling. I didn't revert to my need to say that I was "great!", or brush off my feelings as 'not that bad," or blame it on stress. I didn't regress to saying, "I'm lucky for the life I have!" I knew, this was deeper than the past year, and I wasn't handling it well. I was really good at hiding it, most can't tell from my pictures or videos or social media profiles how low I have felt because I never allowed it to show. I've been in therapy since reaching out, and I'm working through some things I have buried deep for a really long time. It feels both scary and cathartic, like I am peeling away layers of myself and finding the true Meagan inside. She's been tucked away inside for a long time, behind a facade of what I thought the world wanted to see. She did what was expected of her for a long time, both internally and externally, and now that shedding of a persona feels very real and right. Like a rebirth in a way. 
I think we need to reframe how we show ourselves in the world, and what we both expect of others and expect of ourselves. We need to look past the ideas and limiting beliefs and prejudices that makes up our world and practice radical empathy, radical compassion.
We can never know what is happening behind closed doors. What appears one way is rarely what is really there, I know that for a fact. Let's be open to admitting when things aren't right. Let's be open to asking for help, even when it seems to others that we don't need it. Let's be more open to showing the world what honesty and living life raw and real and imperfectly is about.
Chills, and tears. Often both at once. I watched t Chills, and tears. Often both at once.
I watched the Oprah interview today on my laptop, partly out of fascination and partly to see what the buzz was all about. I didn't expect it to hit like it did. 
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The idea of being brave enough to ask for help, to say, "I am not okay." To realize that something is not right and you can't see how to fix it. 
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I think so many of us can relate, to feeling like something isn't right. Most of us women are sold the fairytale, from Disney and family, of how life should be. If you just do this, and this, and this, it will all be okay! If you look like this and act like this, if you marry the person and have the kids, get that degree and look a certain way...then you will be happy. And if you're not? Don't say it, don't be ungrateful! Be positive! 
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For years I thought, if I do things perfectly, I will feel enough. I'll do what will make others think is worth admiring, and never will I ever ask for help. Because that is not what "strong women" do. They handle it, they don't fall apart or admit that life is hard sometimes, that being a mom is really hard, that people pleasing and trying to appear perfect is really hard. My job was to be the rock, the steady source of comfort for everyone but myself. I didn't understand why I had moments of overwhelm over small tasks, why I had to measure my food to feel a sense of control, why the order of my throw pillows on my couch could make me cry, or why my body would just shut down sometimes. I didn't know that my body was telling me, "something is not right!" I didn't understand these periods of melancholy I would go through, of feeling like everything was painted in shades of gray sometimes. I'd look around and say, what do you have to be sad about? Anxious about? Worried about? I'd try to articulate my feelings and just couldn't.
To be cont...
Self care is digging into your limiting beliefs, f Self care is digging into your limiting beliefs, figuring out boundaries, and learning how to let go of perfectionism, people pleasing and a lifetime of low self worth. ✌🏻
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It's also a fresh manicure when the kids go back to school full time. I'm here for both kinds. 💫
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#boycotboringnails
Something that I have been working on is asking th Something that I have been working on is asking the question, "Am I doing this because I want to, or because of what others will think of me when I do it?"
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 Not that long ago I heard this asked on a podcast and it’s something I think about a lot. If no one was going to see it (both in real lifeand on social media), would you still choose it?
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I know what often makes me uncomfortable with my body is the perception of it. Will 'people' think bad things of me? Will 'people' not understand why I have gained weight and how it has been good for me? Yet, when I sit in my own truth, I feel good. At peace even. I only feel "off" when I add other people judgements into the equation. Alone, with just myself to listen to, I feel great. 
How much of what we do is based off of being 'performative' for others? Acting a certain way? Eating a certain way? Talking a certain way? We learn it young. We learn what is acceptable and what is not, what gets us 'likes' and what doesn't. We learn to value the thoughts of others over our own opinions.
Deep down, how do you feel about YOU? Are you living your truth or are you living for others? I have spent years trying to be 'perfect,' so that I could be seen as good. I felt accepted and loved that way. I gave pieces of myself away until there was nothing left. 
The past few years I have looked deep into myself, and how much I based my self worth on what other people thought of me, and off of how I looked. It has been hard and uncomfortable to notice how much of my life I showed only a sliver of my real self. How I hid behind a shiny image of what I thought was acceptable. It is daily work to build up this self esteem of mine, to know that I am good regardless of anything I do or say or how I look. To know I am worthy no matter what, that I value myself as a person. 
I'm worth it, and so are you.
I've painted a lot of houses for others since I op I've painted a lot of houses for others since I opened up my Etsy shop, but this is the first one I did for myself. 
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This was my Grandparents house, where my mom grew up and where I spent most of my childhood, and later lived in as well. I can still hear the sound of the screen door slamming, see the curtains flutter in the sea breeze, and smell the beach roses by the fence. I can see the splatter of paint from where it was spilled when my mom was painting my baby crib, and I can hear the boats coming into the harbor from the windows. This little slice of heaven, located on the water and next to the fishing pier and harbor that my family owned and operated for 70+ years, is my happy place. It is what I think of when I think of home. 
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It was sold when I graduated college, but I still think of it as ours. I think of the years spent on that strip of beach, of my Grampa walking the shell path each day to and from work, the sunset each night over the water. It was magical. 
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I love creating these memories for others, and creating it for myself and my family meant a lot, too. To have this in our home, to remember it by. It makes me cry to think of it, but happy tears (maybe bittersweet tears, as well.) We may not be able to go home to this house anymore, but we always have the memories. 
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***To book your custom watercolor home portrait, visit my Etsy shop (link in profile) or search MeaganRigneyCreates via Etsy.
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