Today is my 35th birthday and I have to admit it has thrown me for a loop the past past month or so! It’s the first birthday I’ve had that I’ve been a little anxious about, if I’m being truly honest here. You see, I’ve always been happy to get a little older each year. It’s felt necessary and has always made me feel more secure in myself to be an adult and to have my age match where my mind has been. I’ve always felt a little older in my head, sort of the adult mindset in a child’s body growing up. I tend to read younger than I am, which I HATED when I was younger, but now love. Ha! Looking like you are fourteen when you are eighteen is never what you want at that age. So as I’ve turned older I have enjoyed having my age match where I felt I was mentally, you know?
Now all of a sudden the years are flying by faster than I can acknowledge them. My twenties were a (very happy and fun) blur, and sped by in a way that I can barely remember now each year where (and WHO) I was. Then I turned thirty and I loved it! I have never felt as secure in my own skin OR as happy as I have been since turning thirty, so then why does turning 35 scare me so? I think it is the number that scares me, it sounds older to me and more mature I guess. In my mind a 35 year old woman is an adult, who has it all together and is a REAL grown up person. I feel like my mom was 35 about ten minutes ago, and now here I am, in charge of two little ones and now I’m the one who’s boss. It’s weird!
I will say this: My thirties have been amazing, my favorite decade so far. I have never been happier because where I am right now is where I want to be. There isn’t anything I need or want that I don’t already have. Sometimes I have to pinch myself because of how content and happy I am in this moment of my life. While the actual number of my age scares me a little bit, I think it’s the speed of time that is passing by that gets me the most. I want to soak in and capture my life right now and press pause, because it is wonderful and amazing. Having my two kids with me daily, at ages six and seven, is the best. I’ve been married almost eleven years this Fall and that is getting better and better as we grow and change, and my hope for each year of my life as I get older is that it continues in this way. Maybe I don’t have to be scared as much if I focus less on the number and more on my happiness.
Thirty five is going to be good, I can tell already.
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