Whew, it has been a WEEK! Do I say that every week? Possibly;) But seriously, this was a week where it felt like everything was falling apart, and so much so that I knew something was up and I needed to just surrender. Surrender to the mix ups and all the things that kept going wrong. I took a lot of deep breathes, gave myself a lot of grace, cried one day on the phone with my husband, and just leaned into it.
Some days (weeks, YEARS) are like that. When stuff continues to go haywire I think of it like the Universe is setting up something big for me, and the stuff not meant for me is being rearranged.I get tested on my boundaries and what I need to get rid of, emotionally. All these little triggers that pop up are lessons to teach me what I need to work on. Which for me, is standing up for myself, pausing before freaking out, and letting go of the tight control I like to have. So yes, so many lessons and I am here for it. I have big dreams and goals and if my life needs to be shaken up a bit for those to happen, I am here for it.
Here are 3 things to think about this week…
1) How can you get centered into what is important for you daily?I think most of us can think of big goals we have and an idea of what we want our lives to be, but what are the tasks you want to be doing daily? Do they align with your current reality? For many years I wanted to be a fashion designer. I filled out many a sketchbook with designs and wanted to live in New York City and wear really cool clothes every day (in my fantasy life I AM Emily in Paris;) Except honestly, being a good mom is my biggest goal, and having a strong relationship with my husband, and I like to be home, and I like to live in a pretty house with lots of room and I like to write each day. I like helping people with my words. I like family dinners and movie nights. Not like this can’t happen in a city, but there is a dream life where it looks so fancy and then there is what we really want.
Is your day filled with a little bit of what you really want? I get the need for jobs and work that pays the bills, but do you have things you do daily that lights you up? Can you squeeze more of this in? What is important to YOU?
2) Where have you felt really magnetic and joyful in the past? Can you find a photo that shows that?
SO because I have been blogging for 10 years I have 1000’s of photos of myself in a million different circumstances. And because a lot of my history revolves around disordered eating and searching for perfectionism with my body, I have a ton of bathing suit pictures. Which means for years I have analyzed them and compared them. Why did I look better here? Or here? Or here? These bikini photos became who I was as a person, but they don’t make me feel good as a person. So when I heard a podcast asking to find a picture where I felt the most like who I feel inside, I knew exactly which one I’d pick.
It’s a picture from my 40th birthday this year (see above.) I’m standing in my kitchen, next to a cake my friend’s daughter made me. I’m wearing a tee shirt and shorts, and I’m smiling really big. I had spent the day with my family and friends, and I felt very blessed. This picture has nothing to do with how I look, but how I FELT that day. The joy is radiating out of me. THIS is how I want to feel. Joyful, happy, open. No more focusing on my body and its flaws, but focusing on me as a person. What I can give to myself, and others. Can you find a photo like that? Maybe you are a little girl, or it is from right now, but find that photo and put it where you can see it daily. Remind yourself who you are meant to be.
3) Are you aware of your thoughts?
A lot of the work I do daily is managing my thoughts. It is an ongoing process, but I can tell the difference when I am concious of them versus letting them run away (and then affect my feelings, and then my actions.) Did you know…
Your thoughts —>feelings—>actions—>results
Basically everything in your life, good or bad, comes from a thought.
For instance, a lot of my thoughts center around my body. Things like,
“My belly is getting bigger. I should run more. Maybe do paleo again? What will my husband think if he notices? I went up 1 pant size but more than that is gross. I look like I’m gaining weight?. I am losing control.”
You get the idea. My thoughts can spiral on any subject and before I know it I feel terrible, and I make decisons that don’t honor me.
The first thing I do is just listen.My thoughts aren’t truth, they just are. I can hear them and ignore tham (which takes practice.) Lately I hear the thought, and I can say, ” My belly is getting bigger and it rolls now, and that’s okay.” Or when I want to do something drastic at 10pm when my defenses are down, I hold off. Any action for me based on fear is not the best for me, it doesn’t honor me.
I ask, “Does it honor me to do ______?” Most often it doesn’t. Also, I have to ask what I fear the most. Its “letting go of myself” my fear, or is it not being loved or feeling enough? What is the worst thing that can happen?
I love affirmations to stop anxious thoughts. Some of my faves are,
Everything is always working out for me.
I am enough as I am.
All is well.
I am fit and healthy and at my perfect weight.
My husband loves me.
My body is an instrument, not an ornament.
Do you watch what you think? Try and take note of what you think and see what pops up. You might be surprised! I bet you are a million times harder on yourself than you’d ever be with someone you love.
