I hope you all had a good weekend where you are. We got a couple inches of snow yesterday and I am excited about that! I have loved living with seasons again after 3 years down South, the first year back is always fun for me. I grew up in New Hampshire and lived there for 21 years before moving with my husband (who is also from New England!), so both of us just really feel at “home” in seasonal weather. I expect to be cuddled up on the couch, reading a library book all day (a book about Zelda Fitzgerald!)
I am working on relaxing more at home. Having set work hours where I work on my book and my blog, and more time where I allow myself to just do things for fun. I am a type 3 on the Enneagram test (the Achiever) and find it difficult to turn my mind off.
Anyway, let’s get into 3 things to think about this week!
1) Last week was a low point for me, emotionally. More so than regular weeks. These weeks come in cycles for me. I have low energy, nothing sounds good, and I am often near tears during the day. I was chatting with a friend who recently went on anxiety medication and it spurred be to make a doctors appointment for myself this coming week. I have been putting this off for so long, working on my mindset and trying to muscle my way through things on my own. I am successful a lot of the times and other times not. I do believe in honoring these feelings and surrrendering, but not holding myself to high standards all of the time is a struggle. I wrote down all I felt in my journal one morning so I can bring it to the doctor. I often forget how bad I felt/feel during hard times and brush it off, so I wanted an accurate picture of how I felt. The whole thing I wrote is long, but here is a tiny excerpt for you…
“It feels like I have too many tabs open in my brain. My brain ping pong’s from movement to movement, thought to thought, and have trouble sustaining one thing at a time. I’m unable to focus. I have projects and things to do, but I keep getting distracted. I have low energy, everything seems hard, even the tasks I usually do with ease. Nothing lights me up. I hyper focus on perfection, and flaws. I get upset if I get a stain on a pristine and clean sweater and have to change. I break a nail and it makes my hand look uneven, and that bothers me for days. I stress out about a disordered home. Throw pillows and blankets need to be folded and neat, always. I hate clutter and mess and can’t rest if dirty dishes are in the sink. I can’t rest if things are out of order, in my mind it just becomes overwhelming. When I am very stressed I get vertigo, my eyes won’t focus and I feel like the world is spinning. Sometimes I get nauseous. I have a hard time resting until all of my tasks for the day or done. I am very strict with myself and hold myself to very high standards, physically and mentally. I can’t always see this until others point it out to me. I have trouble asking for help, I want to be seen as capable and strong. I get a lot of tension in my neck and shoulders, it tightens up when I am stressed or worried. “
I plan on bringing what I wrote into my appointment and seeing what she says. I know I have issues as well with disordered eating and body image, and after some preliminary research perhaps OCD or ADD (gosh WebMD can get crazy!) It has been a long time coming, this appointment, and I look forward to getting some answers. I really enjoy working on my mindset and thought work and if any of you struggle with this stuff as well, maybe this can spur you on to help yourself in some way. It has been a HARD and HEAVY year, let’s work to put our own oxygen masks on first:)
2) On that note, because lastweek was a harder one for me emotionally, meaning I couldn’t *push myself through* and get stuff done or enjoy the things I normally do, I just surrendered. First, I made that doctors appointment. Then, I gave myself a lot of slack. I didn’t do anything I didn’t have to do. I got out my drawing books and did some drawing while watching a Hallmark movie, I skipped my workout and called a friend instead, I didn’t do my usual social media work for a couple of days. I basically did the bare minimum. How can you give yourself some slack? Do you have to do all the things you are doing when you aren’t feeling your best? Will the world fall apart if you don’t? This is NOT my strong suit, but I am working on it. I managed to do less for 2 out of the 5 days, which is pretty good for me. I am working on unplugging more and allowing myself to chill. I am my own worst critic and taskmaster, but I don’t need to be. What can you add into your day that is enjoyable for you?
3) Lastly, when all else fails and nothing lights me up, I try to go outside. Even in the cold, or heat, or whatever. I went for a walk with my kids the other day and it was so good. We went on a trail near our house and listened to the water running in a stream nearby and noticed the birds in the trees and how different it looked with the leaves all gone, and it was a balm to my soul. Sometimes moving my body when I am down sounds terrible, but a simple walk outside makes me feel better, always. Even if you take a lap around your living room, or pause in your driveway when you are getting the mail…take a deep breath and just move that stagnating energy through you and just breathe. It will all work out.