I have a confession. I’m not super comfortable with where my body is right now. With the pandemic, a cross country move, a full home renovation, and LIFE, things are different.
Yet, I’ve never been happier. š« Truly! This year I also began therapy, wrote a memoir, and began to fully unlock a lifetime of disordered eating and anxiety. This was the year I started to enjoy food and life more than ever, something I couldn’t do before without a lot of fear. I’m learning to intuitively eat rather than restrict and binge, and I’m learning what is a healthy amount of exercise for my mental health.
Truthfully, not much has changed with me physically, past a little extra weight, but what has changed is my tolerance for it. Instead of frantically working to look a certain way, I’m accepting what is, right now. I don’t believe my limiting beliefs anymore. I’m looking less at what my body looks like (and picking apart every single inch no matter what size I am,) and focusing on how I feel.
I was never happy with my body, ever, except in rare moments when I controlled every ounce I ate, and that only lasted a minute. True happiness started to happen when I let go of my self worth being tied to my weight. I never felt that before this year, truly.
To do that I have to look at myself, truly look, and say, ” I may not look the way I want right now, and that is okay. I am enough AS IS.” I am gentle with myself. I do what makes me feel good, inside. I focus on what my body can DO. I focus on how I want to FEEL each day.
There is no magic diet or shake that will get you what you want or make you happier, I promise. I can also tell you that my smallest size never corresponded to my best mental health. There’s a difference between what your body can do and what is better for your mental wellbeing and happiness. For me, allowing myself to let go of control + anxiety about my body has been freeing. I want that for you, too. We deserve it. āļø
