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Meagan Rigney

EEEEK! An excerpt from the book I am writing!

March 17, 2021      Leave a Comment

This past week I asked via my Instastories if I should share a bit of my book here and I got a definite bunch of YES’s, which is so fun and so scary at the same time. Here’s the deal, I decided to write a book last Fall and spent October, November and December writing a little bit each day. My goal was a certain word count per day and with the exception of one day, I did it. The day I hit my word count goal felt amazing. 

My intention behind this book was to write a bit of a memoir, but I mostly wanted to focus on how I have grown into myself and the journey to get there (and I am still on that journey, there is no end to that!) I want other women and girls to know the HOW and WHY behind how I’ve grown through anxiety and disordered eating, people pleasing and perfectionism. My story is the story of so many of you I have learned. I know I am not the only one, all of the women I speak to on a daily basis, both in person and online, we all struggle. We see it in ourselves, or friends, and our daughters. I want to help other women feel better and make better choices for themselves. I work daily on my self-worth and also instilling it in my kids. I wish I knew this stuff 30 years ago, but I truly believe everything happens in the timing it is meant for. I hope what I have written in my book empowers others to look deeper into themselves, beyond the labels society and family puts on us, and enable them to live for themselves first. YOU are important and YOU matter.

This week instead of 3 things to think about (don’t worry, I’ll bring it back next week!) I wanted to share a bit of what I have written. I have thought really hard at what to include here and still wish I could just send you all the whole thing b/c I want it all out there, but I’ll stick to a small bit.

………………………………………………

“You’ve failed the stroke test, you need to go to the ER right now.”

I sat in a small room in an Urgent Care near my house with my husband as the doctor on duty spoke these words to me. The night at dinner I had become overwhelmed with symptoms that felt like something was terribly wrong with me. Dizziness, numbness, feeling like the world was spinning around me, it has been scary to feel like I was essentially dying. I got up from the table and barely made it to the couch before collapsing. I had never felt anything like it. In the doctors office I was still dizzy, my arm was numb, and I failed the simple balance and strength tests they put you through to determine if you might be having a stroke. I felt like I was outside of my body, like my head was floating above me and my ears were stuffed full or cotton. I couldn’t walk straight or sit without swaying when my eyes were closed. The doctor left the room and we called our neighbor, who had grabbed our kids after dinner when I found I couldn’t stand up anymore. Things felt surreal as we called to tell them we wouldn’t be right home, my husband passing the phone to me as he became too overwhelmed to speak. I can count on one hand how many times I have seen him cry in the twenty years I have known him, and I think at that moment I realized how serious this was. He had watched me do the tests and fail them, and as a a former EMT he understood the gravity of it all, even if the doctor stayed calm and decided that I needed immediate medical care. Watching him lose it was my first hint that something could really be wrong. 

We drove to the hospital where we checked in and waited for care, the ER full of crying babies and disgruntled patients. We sat on a bench for hours waiting, in the humid, Alabama heat, watching the word go by and people come in and out. Time felt like it slowed down while we waited, and watching people come and go became our only entertainment. I was called in intermittedly for tests, an EKG,another stroke test, and found that since I wasn’t in danger of dying within the hour, we were kept waiting. If you’ve ever been to the ER, for yourself or a sick child, you know it is a waiting game. Hospitals are understaffed and overworked, getting seen is not a speedy process unless you are in true danger of dying. It is not a place to be if you are in a hurry or in pain or scared. We sat, for hours into the night, as I spoke affirmations to myself in my head over and over again to help escape the fear. “Everything is always working out for you,” I whispered. “I am healthy and free if illness.” Over and over, whenever my mind would think ‘what if?’ I’d repeat these to myself. 

I was admitted into the hospital in the middle of the night, hooked up to an IV and looked at by multiple people. At that point we were both almost delirious with exhaustion, sitting together in a small room in the ER, me in a hospital gown and my husband next to me. Some of my symptoms had gone away, but I was still numb in one arm and very dizzy. Doctors and nurses came in an out, and the possibility that I was having a stroke became less likely. With that came more questions, though. What exactly was wrong with me? Around 3am a doctor poked his head in the door and told us that I needed to stay for more tests. We asked, “If you don’t think this is a stroke, what do you think is wrong” He looked at us quickly, barely standing in the door, said “We need to test you for MS, “ and walked out. My husband and I looked at each other stunned, neither of us even thinking of this possibility. We were shocked, with how cavalier the doctor was in dropping this bombshell and leaving, and with the idea that something so serious could be a possibility. Until that moment I hadn’t realized fully how seriously something could be wrong with me. I am by nature a positive person, someone who believes good things will happen and can handle a lot of what life throws at me. Sometimes it is naivety, I admit, and often I think it is a way that I protect myself. I like believing that all will be well, because the alternative is unimaginable. If I let myself I can worry to the point of extreme anxiety, something I thought I had let go of. This became a new test for me, a test of my resilience and ability to stay calm in the midst of a personal hurricane.

The next 18 hours were filled with every test that could possibly be done. I was brought to a room for a couple hours of broken sleep before was scheduled for an MRI at dawn. I had sent my husband home so he could sleep a bit at home and thenget the kids from the neighbors who had graciously cared for them all night. I wasn’t sure what was going on with me, but it was really important to me that they felt safe and okay, and that they could be with my husband. If they were okay, I was okay. It was a small bit of control for me.

My morning was filled with a few things I had always feared, mainly the closed MRI’s that created panic at the thought of being trapped. I again went to my mantras. “Everything is always working out for me. All is well.” I was strapped down and couldn’t move a muscle for the 40 minutes or so I was in there, so I repeated these over and over when I’d start to imagine how trapped I was. The tech’s in charge were true lifesavers. I wore headphones with a choice of music, and they lay a towel over your eyes if you want (which I chose.) I knew if I opened my eyes during it and saw only an inch of space above my face I would panic. I spent the whole time thinking of my mantras and just trying to stay calm. I’m not religious by any means, but I do believe in guardian angels and spirit guides and just remember asking for help to stay calm. I had always been healthy and strong and being in a situation where I wasn’t sure of my health was something I hadn’t seen coming. I was truly in a situation that felt surreal. 

The rest of the day was a blur of so many test to help determine what could possibly have caused the symptoms I had experienced the night before, but nothing serious was found. Luckily. Yet there were still questions. I felt slightly better, but no one could guess why I had had the symptoms I had had the previous night and where they came from. My husband and kids came and hung out with me that day and I was discharged late that afternoon with the directions to ‘rest more’ and had appointments for more tests and visits to a neurologist. I didn’t know then that this was the beginning of a journey that would basically break me down to my core and rebuild me again. 

……………………………………………

I’ll stop there as there is so much more to add and this is already long. I go in depth into my childhood and adult years in my book and also the things I have learned along the way with self help and therapy. It has been cathartic to write and as I edit it now I find that it has brought me a lot of joy to put together in the hopes that it could help others like me someday when it publishes. 

Now I just need to keep editing and find an agent!

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Hi, friend! My name is Meagan and I like to overshare on Insta-stories, LOVE finding the best stuff for everyday life, and I truly believe that life is more fun when you feel good about yourself, both inside and out.

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meaganrigney

When that sunshine hits in the afternoon and you f When that sunshine hits in the afternoon and you feel like a new person. 🤩

Is it Spring yet?
Whenever the world seems crazy, just know that the Whenever the world seems crazy, just know that there are teens out there that are awesomely good people and they are so inspiring to watch! I get to coach and teach them on a daily basis and not a day goes by that they don’t make me laugh, and also feel good knowing that these cool people exist in this world. I can’t wait to see what the future hold for all of them. 😊
Happy 15th bday to my firstborn baby, Molly! Being Happy 15th bday to my firstborn baby, Molly! Being your mama is seriously the best-you keep me on my toes and make me so proud. You are so amazingly talented and wonderful and from the moment I knew if your existence I have loved you more than words can say. I love you to the moon and back ❤️
Short hair, don’t care. 💁🏻‍♀️ Short hair, don’t care. 💁🏻‍♀️
My kid is so much cooler than I’ll ever be ❤️
I’ve been coaching our high school powerlifting I’ve been coaching our high school powerlifting team (along with a few other awesome people,) and we had our first meet of the season this weekend. Working with these kids has been so freakin’ fun-they work hard and they make me laugh every 5 seconds. I feel lucky I get to mentor them both in and out of school each day.
Rolling into 2023 with a full heart. This past yea Rolling into 2023 with a full heart. This past year brought big, beautiful, years in the making changes to the Rigney family (we all decided ‘22 was was pretty amazing when it came to reaching big goals!) Looking forward to settling in and enjoying our accomplishments, and soaking up each moment with these kids of ours and this awesome life we have full of friends and family. Each year I think it can’t get better, and then it does. 💫
Haven’t worn real pants in a week and I don’t Haven’t worn real pants in a week and I don’t hate it 😏
Life lately…. Christmas + good food + gratitude Life lately…. Christmas + good food + gratitude + sparkly trees + family + cozy outfits + time off to love on my people 💫
Work looks-teacher edition! I’m a Resource Room Work looks-teacher edition! I’m a Resource Room teacher in high school and like to be comfortable (but still sorta cool? Lol.) I teach freshman-seniors and everything from Language Arts to Econ to Learning Strategies to US History. It’s fast paced and fun and I’m never, ever bored 🙃

Most of my stuff comes from Old Navy at this point, they are honestly killing it! I am a size 8/medium in most things. You can shop my outfits here…

https://shopltk.com/explore/meaganrigney/collections/11ed52d1acbbb795b3720242ac110004
⭐️FORTY-TWO today ⭐️ Grateful for…my hu ⭐️FORTY-TWO today ⭐️

Grateful for…my husband (he makes me laugh everyday and is my best friend), my kids (the funniest, kindest, most awesome kids on earth), my family (who always make me feel loved), my friends (can’t live life without you,) my co-workers (I’m obsessed with you all, how else do I teach without you lol), and just feeling settled after 20 years of moving. 

Looking forward to another year teaching high school (I hope all my students know, Mrs. Rigney adores you!) and just another year of being grateful for this beautiful + amazing life I’ve built. ❤️
Happy 13th birthday to my baby boy! He’s loving, Happy 13th birthday to my baby boy! He’s loving, affectionate and always willing to lend a helping hand. He talks extra loud on his video game headset with his friends 🫠, grew approximately 6 inches this year, and his voice has deepened so I keep thinking another man is in the house(!) But still, he’s my baby and always, always will be. I love watching his dedication to playing all the sports, being his mom is just the best. From the second he was born and they placed him on my chest, my heart burst with love for him. He’s pure magic and also currently taller than me and I don’t know how 13 years have passed but I have loved every second of them.
Vacation vibes, part 2! Vacation vibes, part 2!
Summer vacation vibes, part 1 ☀️🚤🌊 Summer vacation vibes, part 1 ☀️🚤🌊
I’ve been loving this oval Amazon ring since it I’ve been loving this oval Amazon ring since it came in the mail last month. If you know me, you know I like to switch up my rings often. I have a lot that I like to play around with. Life is too short to not have fun with jewelry 😊
Also, an ombré mani that I can’t stop staring at. I feel like in the winter I like nail art and in the summer I like simple neutrals. 

Follow my shop @meaganrigney on the @shop.LTK app to shop 🌈

#liketkit 
@shop.ltk
https://liketk.it/3KDj2
This weekend…. Picked up our oldest after 11 da This weekend….

Picked up our oldest after 11 days away at summer camp (with no phones/no contact!) and it was amazing. Love this kid!
Travelled 3 hours across state for a lacrosse tournament that even included an afternoon at the beach 🙌🏻
On Sunday drove 1.45 hours to pick up Molly from camp, then drove 1.45 hours back to watch the boys play in the championship game (lost by 1, boo…), then drove 3.15 hours back home. 
But! My babies are back home and all is well. 
Our hotel had Direct tv so I was reunited with my beloved Hallmark and watched a few Xmas in July movies 🙏🏻

Anyone know how to steam Hallmark? I need it back in my life 😞
A little over two years ago my family started watc A little over two years ago my family started watching wrestling together. It kinda became our thing, following the story lines and becoming invested in each character. My husband grew up watching it, and he wanted to share that with the kids. Then, slowly but surely, I got a little bit invested myself. 🙃What I love the most is that we all watch this together, and anything that we can all enjoy as a family is what makes me happy. 
Anyway... @allelitewrestling came to Detroit and we knew we had to get tickets. We went the other night and it was awesome! The lights, the music, how invested the crowd was, I kept looking over and seeing huge smiles on all of our faces. This was what we did during the pandemic, in the uncertainty of quarantine and the world, we watched a lot of movies and we watched wrestling. Getting to see it live sort of felt like a full circle moment. We had survived, moved across the country, and settled into this new life of ours that we love. If you had asked me 3 years ago if I would have enjoyed a wrestling match I would have rolled my eyes, but sitting there the other night in an arena full of magic and energy, it was just magic. 
⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀⠀
*Also, is this what one wears to wrestling? Bodysuits? Wedges? lol 😆
When the looser jeans of our youth (long live the When the looser jeans of our youth (long live the 90's!) came back, I resisted. You weren't going to pry my Madewell black skinnies off of my body! Those of us who have lived it already know how bad low rise was (2" rise, baby), or how our pants used to be shredded and dirty b/c they dragged on the ground, or how the fit of everything was just off. 
 But then I got sucked into buying a pair of "dad jeans" (which is funny because I use to borrow my step-dad's jeans in high school), and after I got used to styling them I like the look! First of all, my legs can breath lol. The key is to show of your waist in some way and just not take yourself so seriously. The older I get, the less I care about wearing what other people think looks good and wearing what *I* want. Are my skinny jeans more flattering? Yes. DO I feel more comfortable in these? Also, yes. Life is too short to wear anything other than what YOU want, end of story. Wear the skinny jeans, or the baggier ones, buy the cropped tank or the oversized flannel. Forget about what is "right or cool" or what you think you *should* wear and just wear what makes you happy.
My mom sent me a package filled with old pics and My mom sent me a package filled with old pics and report cards that are hilarious and embarrassing! 

My faves....skiing in jeans in the 90's?!
The leaning my chin casually on my hand school pic. 

The fact that I have maybe 10 pictures of myself in high school but took probably 20 selfies of myself yesterday.

Report card comments..."A great worker, sometimes I need to interrupt her independent reading to call attention to the next class discussion." 😆
"Meagan needs to "buckle down" a little more on her studies and a little less on her artwork." 🤩
Turns out, my independent reading has turned me into a Language Arts teacher, and my art has turned into an Etsy shop. 

(There’s still no reason for skiing in jeans.) 🙃
A few self care things I do on the regular... *eve A few self care things I do on the regular...
*every two weeks I get my nails done. I get gel on my real nails and often get designs or fun colors, and seriously have a Pinterest board and a special album saved on my phone with ideas. It just makes me happy to have pretty nails. 
*I schedule in workouts. I don't do well with "winging it," I have to be really intentional with my time. I work out after work on Tues + Thurs and also on Sunday, and will sometimes add an extra day. I feel my personal best when I am active.
*A couple of months ago I finally started the habit of flossing my teeth. I just started at night and for some reason it has stuck and I am on a streak and I feel like a real grown up. You CAN teach an old dog new tricks at 41:)
*Every Sunday I cook a lunch for myself to bring to work, and I pack it into 5 pieces of Tupperware. I find a simple dish and will eat it all week. That way when I get up I just throw it in my lunchbox and I have a healthy option to eat. 
*I research affirmations and have them written in a word document. Typically during my lunch break I will open up and read the document, and then I have a running list of things I am grateful for that I type out. I also have a couple fave self help books at my desk and I read a chapter or two. 
*Every Sunday after my workout I apply a face mask and let it sit, then shower and apply a hair mask and exfoliate. Then after my shower I put my self tan on. Love starting the week feeling refreshed and with a little color on my skin. 
* I have days I do certain things that make my life easier. Saturday I meal plan and order my groceries. Sunday is for picking up groceries, meal prep, and laundry. Tuesday and Thursday I work out when I get home and wash my hair. Linking certain days to activities takes the thinking/anxiety out of running my life.
*Reading daily, lots of sleep, lots of water, painting, writing, etc.
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